Hi
I am currently struggling with a feeling of failure and frustration. I work in an administrative role within the NHS, I'm struggling big time. I have some disabilities that sometimes affect my work and quality, and it's been tough, to say the least.
A while ago, I was working in another hospital. But mistakes, slow learning, and my inability to keep pace saw me being moved to my current work location. I can’t shake off this blame that I’ve failed and keep doing so.
Recently, made another significant mistake at work, and I have been isolated to a different office, with pretty much no work to do. My daily routine now is mainly chatting with other admins and scrolling the internet, waiting for my manager to decide what to do with me.
I am about to hit 30, and I can’t help but feel like I am in the same place I was a decade ago. The hope of getting to a better band of pay seems out of reach. I just sit at my desk which feels more like a cage every day, counting the hours. It's awful to feel like you’re selling your soul and time for a paycheck that comes out of doing absolutely nothing.
What keeps me going is my son. No matter how much I hate myself, my son loves me and keeps my world turning. I look forward to spending my weekends with him.
But deep inside, I can't shake off this feeling that I lost and failed. The sense of being useless, the fear of being stuck, that everyone is progressing but me. I know I need to turn things around, but I just don't know how to begin, or who to turn to.
Has anyone here experienced these feelings, or could perhaps lend some advice or share their coping strategies?
I just don't see the point in working.