In my twenties I prided myself as being a “work horse.” I literally worked 2-3 jobs, sometimes 7 days a week, pulled double shifts, you name it. I always said yes to everything and did it with a smile on my face. I had the philosophy of “being happy in my work.” I had goals and big plans. Then like many women I had a baby, put my life on hold for a while. I decided early on I only wanted one kid because going back to work was important.
After staying home 2 years I was ready. Then as soon as I started job hunting, COVID hit and I again decided to stay home a little longer. After another 2 years. Then I took more time to do my Master's. Now I'm done with school, my kid is in school, and I'm struggling to care about work in any capacity.
Or perhaps, I simply do not know how to work anymore. Maybe it's the lengthy time at home, maybe its that I'm in my thirties now and don't have the stamina, but more than that I finally feel like all those years I was never actually getting ahead. I was only making money for someone else. I've spent a soul crushing year trying to find work in my field, thinking the passion would motivate me. But between the avalanche of rejections, wading through the hellscape that is linkedin, taking unrelated work, or small gigs, I just can't seem to get it up anymore.
I feel like I am having an identity crisis. That pillar of my personality is gone. I don't want to work. I don't know how to work.
Is it just me??