TW for mental health related content
I (21, F, Autistic, ADD, CPTSD) just got fired for the second time in a year. I'm looking for advice and people to bitch to about my most recent job.
I got fired for the first time about a year ago from a restaurant job. It was my fault: I was taking dabs with the manager in the parking lot. But, it did open my eyes to the reality of living in an at-will state, as they waited till my next shift to tell me I was fired. I live paycheck to paycheck (day to day at the time) so this was totally a mini fuckening to my already hardshipped fiscals.
By the beginning of September, I'd managed to find another job full time at a hotel at the front desk. The work was low-energy and that met all of my autistic and mentally ill needs, but the schedule sucked. That could have lasted as long as I wanted it to, but my partner and I began discussing some of our long-term goals and that included moving to another state (we currently live in Idaho. Median income is about $28,000/yr and it's Mormonism Nepo business, corrupt politics, and a huge wealth gap here, especially in the city we live in. There's no real opportunities), paying off our debt, taking care of our chronicly ill selves, and saving money. After we decided what we wanted, I went out and got another job with a local company in their call center. It was higher paying, higher demand, with benefits, bonuses, great work culture (for example, I had openly nuerodivergent coworkers, and they had a book club).
That job quickly devolved. My training was lacking for such a technical business area, and they just kinda threw me into it (I've worked at call centers before, and yes, it's a lot of learn-on-the-go, but their resources for self education were also lacking), and this caused me to have three public office meltdowns my first couple weeks there. They implemented a draconian break system where we only had 30mins a day to human (eat, drink, bathroom, anything) away from our desks. Being on an auto-answer system and understaffed, breaks disappeared. Due to the company expanding, management was usually unavailable or swamped. Their call center structure was underdeveloped for the amount of work they were facilitating–we only had one manager to report to, but at least 9 different lines, 12 agents, and everyone was assumed to be cross trained. For those of you who have worked in a call center, you know how chaotic shit can get when you don't have people thoroughly trained, poor self-education resources, and no access to management. It became my personal autistic hell.
It was just a mess, and I was vocal about the dysfunction. Eventually, after limited action from management and admin, I turned in my two weeks and they retaliated by firing me the same day they received my notice. They even distinctly told me that there were agents that they allowed to finish their notice, but I was not one of them. They didn't specify why, but we all know. Myself and a few others have made reports to the labor board, but the chance of anything happening is slim. No one has reached out, and it's past the time the Board said to expect a response. We also all signed NDAs, and this company will definitely come for our impoverished throats if we disclose any of this with our names and faces attached. My decision to turn in my notice also aligned with my eligibility for benefits, so I missed out on those. This also further solidified for me that it sucks to be working in an at-will state during late stage capitalism as a fairness sensitive autistic woman.
Anyway, I've been unemployed for about a week and a half now. My final (under 30hrs) paycheck came in the mail today, but I missed the certified delivery so I don't even know how much is on it. I also believe they have been altering timecards after speaking to other coworkers, so I would not put it past them to have altered my final check. And due to the way my brain works, I did not document my hours outside of the company time-keeping tools, because I assumed I would have access to them for longer than I did. I also really didn't expect it to go down like that, so I wasn't preparing.
I've been delivering food for various apps, but area is not as busy as it once was (thanks late stage capitalism), I'm not an established driver yet, and my car insurance is addressed for my old apartment while I live at my mom's house (I did this to keep a cheaper rate), so some of the apps don't like that.
I've also been refinishing a dresser with my also unemployed best friend as a money making project/business idea. This is something we've been dreaming up for a few years, and the timing seemed right! Unfortunately, this same week, my bestie and her long-term breadwinner partner broke up. She had to move back to her mom's house in a town that's only a 20 minute drive away. That's not too unmanageable, but my tires are currently balder than a fresh wax and my bestie doesn't own a car and hasn't had her own income for nearing 8 months. The project is coming along slower since I've been having to work by myself, and due to the timeline extension, I'm not sure if I will be able to finish the project in time to purchase another (larger) project to pay my bills and continue the cycle.
In short, I am in a bit of a pickle. I have very little wiggle room anywhere right now. So here's what I'm thinking: I use my partial paycheck to get some tires and pay my most expensive bills for October. My final check may not be enough do do that, however, so which would you prioritize?
This last week of my new self/unemployment has not gone how I planned due to moving my bestie out. I'm short money and getting nervous when I wasn't last week. I am definitely considering getting a new job, but I'm nearing autistic burnout. For those of you who may not know a lot about autism, it's essentially a complete nervous system shut down due to overstimulus. It's not like allistic burnout; it can lead to complete disability and even psychosis. I've known I'm getting close for about a year, but I need further evaluation to qualify for disability assistance, which I do not have the money for.
In the event I did get a new job, I would still have to wait for a paycheck, essentially still leaving me behind. Plus, my usual cycle at work will repeat itself because I don't have the time, money, health insurance, support system–general resources, really–to fix any of my revolving issues. I'll maybe be able to maintain it for 4-6 months and then go searching for another job I can maybe tolerate. Repeat.
You all share my sentiments on work; you know why I don't want to go back. I really don't think I'll survive much longer. I know it sounds dramatic, but I'm seriously worried I'll find myself in psychosis triggered by burnout and my largely untreated PTSD as a result of severe domestic violence. At the very least, I may find myself completely disablility in a completely able body without enough official evaluation to explain why. And then what will happen to me? My family isn't an awesome support system.
So. What are my chances of being able to maintain myself without a job? What would you do in my position?