I turned 50 last week. I live in the US and have been working full time for over 35 years now.
I started working at 14 years old. Nobody told me not to do that, to enjoy my youth and free time before a career and responsibility laid upon me like a weight I could never shake. No, I was encouraged to get a job because if my parents and grandparents worked 12 hour days in their teens, I should do the same, right? Of course not, but if you didn't, you were seen as lazy and the adults that surrounded you had no issues screaming that in your face.
In my 20's, I worked a lot because I was a fool that believed that working hard got you everywhere. I wasted hours, days, weeks and probably months, working overtime for companies that never gave me raises, promotions and in the end laid me off without batting an eye.
In my 30's, I wised up. I realized I had been conned by the rich people of the world. My work views changed. I began what is now called “quiet quitting”, doing nothing more than I was asked and never, EVER going above and beyond. I made up lies about having family responsibility to avoid working overtime and management fought me for not being a “team player”. I was berated constantly for putting my family first but unlike my 20's, I stood my ground. I still never saw one promotion or a raise, and was laid off over and over like a number and not a human being.
In my 40's, I got pissed. I lost my patience with the idea that companies can treat us like dirt, make kazillions or dollars off our work and not give a damn thing back. Resentment built up over the fact that I had to work 5 days, while only getting 2 days off. I became bitter that I had no time in the morning or a night to spend with the people I love because I had to sit in traffic for hours getting to and from work. I was having a harder time affording things but was told the multi million dollar company that had the best financial year of its life couldn't afford to pay me more, and shame on me for asking for something so incredibly greedy.
And now, I'm 50. If I work until the US says I'm on longer useful, I have 17 more years to go. The official retirement age here is a disgusting 67 years old. SEVENTEEN MORE YEARS.
I have no idea how in the fuck I'm going to do that. Like most Americans, I've never made enough to live and put away for retirement. I have a little but definitely not enough to last me until I die. I looked up what I get when I retire and it's laughably low. Retiring early is impossible and what I will be earning when I can retire will in no way be enough to survive on. I'm terrified of a time that isn't even here yet, but looms over me like a beast with a sledgehammer. I'm cringing, waiting for it to fall on me. WTF will I do??
When I log into work in the morning, I sob into my keyboard because I loathe working and there is no escape. I can't change careers because without experience in a new role, nobody will consider me. I can't just quit, I'd lose my house, and let's be honest, the next company will be just as selfish and evil as my current one. My entire being is worn down, not only by this job but the ones from my past. I have literally spent every single day of the last 35 years worrying about being laid off. That shit eats at you and is all consuming. After decades of it, it's impossible to let go of it and it is always at the back of my mind.
SEVENTEEN MORE YEARS…. how am I going to do this? š How are any of us going to do this??