I originally posted this on a different sub and was told to post here as well. if this doesn't belong, Im sorry and I'll remove it
I really dont know how to start this but it's a lot to take it so I put the trigger warning of abuse. I know it was dumb of me to get knocked up at 18 with a 24 year old. Im 19 now with a 6 month old baby. My ex/his father became really abusive during and after my pregnancy and it got the point where I felt like I couldnt say no any time he wanted sex, he would scream at me and eventually he choked me during an argument when I wouldnt put out because he claimed he “deserved it” after working and supporting me and our son. My father passed away a couple weeks ago and my own mother makes me feel like such crap for having a baby so young and out of wedlock but sometimes I think she likes my now ex more than me
I ended up leaving one day while my ex was at work and just took what I could put in my car. I called the domestic violence hot line but they didnt have space for us so Im waiting for that. I reached out any and every one I could. My mom first. Her response was that I “probably did something to deserve it” and that she wasn't going to help me until she heard his side of the story. I started calling old friends and one said I could crash on her couch but I would have to pay her rent right away. So me and my son have been here for a few days now
I started door dashing so I could at least have some type of income going. Efvery dollar Ive made my friend Im staying with has asked for. Ive applied for SNAP and WIC and even low income housing so Im not either sleeping on a friends couch or in my car with a six month old infant but I dont know when I'll hear back from social services. My next steo is to reach out to churches in my area because I need all of the help I can get and cant say no to any help right now
My son has been teething really bad and I had used up all of the baby tylenol his pediatrician's office gave me at his six month appointment and he was in so much pain. he was gnawing at his fingers and I tried the frozen pacifiers and wash cloths trick but it just didn't seem to work
I feel really awful about it but I ended up shop lifting a small box of baby tylenol for my son. he was screaming and red faced and I knew I didnt have enough money to pay for it out right because I had just given my friend what little money I did have for rent. I literally had to count change just to put enough gas in my car and Im surviving off what my friend has in her kitchen and its mostly been ramen and peanut butter sandwiches because Im stretching the sample cans of formula my son's pediatrician gave him and just trying to make ends meet with what I can make from door dash
I still feel guilty and really bad but my friend just made it so much worse. She got angry at me for shop lifting and said I was raising my son to be a thief too and he was better off with his father because at least he “provided” for us (when he wasn't throwing it back in my face about how worthless I am) and she told me I was a dumb bitch and said I was probably better off staying at a shelter and just a bunch of other really nasty stuff.
I really dont know what to do. Ive never shop lifted before in my life and Im terrified i'll have to do it again and I dont want to. I already feel really guilty but now I wonder if I should do some thing else or turn myself in or what. It shouldnt be this hard to survive after leaving an abusive relationship but I literally either had to do what I did or let my son be in pain and he didnt deserve that at all so I did what I felt like I had to do and now I feel even worse lol. I feel like i can't win for losing at this point in my life