It all started when I joined a law firm where one of the partners had previously worked with my spouse. My spouse used to work at that law firm, but he left owing to the toxic environment. I know it should have been a red flag, but I assumed it would be different because it was me, a different mentality and person. And one of the reasons is that this is the country's fastest-growing law firm, with a lot of potential and big names.
Everything started when I began as an intern at the firm. I must confess that I have always treated myself differently. But, because I was pregnant at the time, I assumed it was because they didn't want to put me to too much work. Regardless, the partners constantly involve me in their work and trust me to accomplish work without first delegating it to a senior or mid-level associate. They apparently started badmouthing me from the start, telling each other how I was not a decent person, how I was cocky, and other such things when they found out I had joined the firm. I was devastated because I had never met these people before and had never communicated with them.
Then, back when I was as a Trainee Associate, I had to work with an associate who was rarely present at work. This person was continually taking credit from others and rarely did what he should have done, and I don't want it to happen to me. It appears that it may have an impact on my work flow. As a result, I discussed it with the senior associate. I'm probably to blame for this, but it turns out that this has been going on since before I joined the firm and has been a source of concern for the partners. People have been disparaging me since then. What's hilarious is that they frequently make this associate a joke for this person's poor work ethic and progress. But obviously, because it's me who does it, they don't like it and make it sound as if I was solely who put him in this scenario.
Fast forward to when I chose to take the top-tier law firm's test. Well, I decided to stay with my current firm because of my partners. But the nightmare became more intense. I'm not sure what happened or what I did, but no one wants to talk to me UNTIL now. I contacted them one by one about what happened, and I apologised if there was anything I did that caused them discomfort, but they refused to talk to me. And people started badmouthing me in front of me, talking trash about me, even when I asked what I did wrong and how I might improve myself.
Now I am an Associate — then I heard that they felt like it was unfair for me to get promoted very fast and got a higher salary faster “just because” the other firm wanted to hire me. Furthermore, someone informed me that they heard I said awful stuff about my coworkers, which I recall perfectly since I never talked about them because I viewed them as friends, and if I did, I approached them to apologise and was always ready to make things right. But I swear to God, I never did such things. Now, I feel like they want to quit firing me.
This causes me to have GERD every day, and I always get panic attacks and anxiety when I have to go to work. As a result, I frequently take sick leave. They are, of course, badmouthing me again over this. I also had a tumour that became ill as a result of my worry and panic attacks. I genuinely want to resign, but I'm held back by my career possibilities, opportunities, benefits, salary, and partners' trust in me. I feel like I have been exposed more frequently to international networking, international clients, and any other professional exposure compared to my other coworkers with my 2 years of experience. My partners trusted me for almost everything related to international-related work, organisational work, and any other things that they wanted to delegate it to me.
My mother advised me to remain tough and confront the situation. My husband advised me not to resign until I found a better job, considering the fact that I have two toddlers. I spoke with my psychiatrist, and she told me that the more you rise, the more people will envy you—just ignore it. However, I believe it has taken a toll on me and has affected all of my work. I sobbed every night because it was so exhausting. It’s been a year now since it all started.
What should I do?
P.s.
I'm sorry; I know it's far too long and may not cover every detail of my story. But I hope it gives you a sense of it. I'm kinda hazy right now and just ranting about everything comes to mind.