I'm just so tired. I'm tired of waking up & living with my practically abusive baby daddy. WHos parents pay his share of the bills & give him spending money so he can blow it on only fans and video games. He doesnt work. I work two jobs and its never enough. I dont make enough money, Im useless, I dont have sex with him enough to keep him from paying girls on only fans to give him what he wants. I dont see my son enough either. I work one job, 29 hours a week and work retail part time on the weekends and it still isnt enough to live on my own. Ive tried leaving him, but I dont make enough to even rent a one bedroom apartment by myself. I can barely afford to buy myself a new pair of shoes or a new bra. Im wearing socks with holes in them to make sure my son has enough clothes to last him this winter because my baby daddy wont spend a dime on things he finds “unnecessary” and i guess making sure our shared child has winter clothes and enough diapers and formula is considered unneseccary
Ive tried talking to his parents because I know theyre funding his lifestyle. Theyve told me to get over it, Im a gold digger, I should give up custody of our son to him and just “fuck off from their lives” but I refuse to do that. I cant just leave my son to be raised by his father (lets be honest, my baby daddy would just pawn him off on his parents and go back to fucking call of duty)
Im yelled at every day about how I dont do enough & how Im a piece of shit mother, how I should have gotten an abortion (sometimes I agree with him on this because at least I wouldnt have brought my son into this). there have been times where he refused to take no for an answer after Ive worked on my feet all day and the last thing I want to do is have sex. Ive come back to our apartment to our son covered in spit up because his father has been glued to the play station all day. Some how I already feel like a single parent but still NOTHING I do is good enough. I want to be able to buy my son new clothing instead of used stuff from facebook or once upon a child, I want to be able to buy myself something nice instead of all of my money going back into this crappy roach and ant infested apartment Im paying way too much for. I eat one meal a day to be able to afford my son's formula because I make too much for SNAP and WIC benefits according to my local social services. my baby daddy has told me he would “never pay child support” and that his parents would “bury me” in court when I tried to leave before hand. He doesnt care about our son, he just knows he can play his parents and use our son to get more money for his shitty habits and his parents think the sun shines out of their golden boys ass. I shouldnt be fantasizing about winning the lottery just to fucking leave him and provide my son with the life he deserves and not this crappy one we are living. Some days I think maybe my son would be better off if I just un-alived myself so my baby daddy and his parents can raise him the way they want to. Im only surviving because of how hard I work and what little my baby daddys parents provide. I shouldnt have to stay in this practically abusive relationship just to survive these days. Im just so tired and over it all