I'm carrying a lot of mental baggage, scars, and trauma, from various types of social abuse for the past few years after 2020.
I was let go from my job after being placed on the bullshit “PIP”, but was hired a month immediately after.
Even though I'm employed again, same pay, got a promotion, live closer to work instead of an hour commute, and my job even offering to PAY for my student loans, I don't feel as enthusiastic as I should be.
I think it's a combination of things. My last job told me that they were this “equal opportunity” employer that valued employees. I was starting to buy into it, but then I got my PIP a month after my radiation treatment for my cancer. My current job also made similar claims and tales, and I guess I'm jaded by it.
I'm kind of afraid I'll get fired for petty reasons like at my previous job in the coming months, and it's eating away at me. I had to lie on my resume to get this job. I know I could probably just pull a trick up my sleeve, if things go awry once again with this new job, but it's a mentally draining thing to think about.
TL;DR
I have been unlucky and dealing with toxic people plus cancer for a couple of years, but haven't had the time to process them due to my financial situation. I have the gut feeling that this new corporate company is probably going to throw me aside like my previous one, which is adding stress to my list of burdens. But I cannot afford to give myself a break, because of bills and possibly student loans.