Throwaway account. Several months ago, I was let go from a toxic and abusive work environment. I’ve been in therapy since February; largely to develop coping skills surrounding my job. My former employer loved to preach about our “family” and our “team”, expecting employees to go above and beyond, sacrifice personal commitments, and subscribe to their philosophy. Time and time again, I went through the cycle of abuse. I was praised, loved, and told that I was an asset. When I succeeded, I was the golden child. Despite the constantly shifting expectations, I put up with over 2 years of having my job dangled over my head, being demeaned, and snarky comments. I sacrificed my holidays to help other departments. Whenever I made an error, I suddenly became the devil. My bosses would treat me like garbage, leave me feeling depressed, and then act like nothing happened. The cycle would repeat. I suffered severe anxiety and suicidal ideation while I worked there.
However much abuse was dealt, I kept coming to work because of the people. The family! The “team”! But where’s my family now? I’ve been cut out by several ex-coworkers I used to consider incredibly close. I would’ve invited them to my wedding. Now I don’t even exist to them. Whenever I hang out with ex-coworkers (the ones who do associate with me), I feel like my wounds are opened again.
Don’t ever make the same mistake I did. Don’t kill yourself for a job that’ll cast you aside without thinking. Don’t subscribe to the brainwashed “we’re a family” logic. In the battle of “you vs. the boss”, your coworkers won’t stand up for you. They won’t risk their employment status. As I continue my therapy journey, I have to keep reminding myself that work friends are WORK friends. Now I’m typing this rant as I watch my former coworker’s Instagram story; a dinner I wasn’t invited to. I was taught to put my job on a pedestal (at the cost of my self-esteem) and I’ll never make that mistake again.