I'm just venting because I'm frustrated and really am tired of being kicked when I'm already down. I just need the universe to give me a bit of a break so I can breathe.
I found out I was pregnant and I'm currently over 15 weeks. Wasn't in a serious relationship, wasn't even going to tell the guy who got me pregnant (despite me taking birth control religiously and him using a condom) but my roommate felt he “needed to know” so she told him, now he wants to be involved. I don't think abortion is something I could go through with myself and my ex fwb / baby daddy refused to discuss adoption of any type. he knows he's going to have to pay child support because I refuse to let him get out of this when it took us both to get me pregnant. I went ahead and applied for SNAP, WIC, TANF, and Medicaid but I still don't know if/when I'll get an appointment or if I'll even receive any of these benefits.
I work (worked?) in retail, was employee of the month 3 months in a row, came in early, stayed late, was up at 6 am to do planograms and was even training new and seasonal hires. I busted my ass and dealt with shit customers and really thought I was doing my store manager a favor by letting her know I'm pregnant and while I can do my job now (lifting boxes of stock items, clothes, getting on ladders, changing shirt plexis, etc) the further I get along, the less I might be able to do and she might have to get one of the new hires to do it. She cut my hours from my regular 28-29 hours per week down to 10 hours per week and claimed the district manager told her to cut my hours because I couldn't be “worked like normal” – which just pissed me off so I said fuck it, applied for unemployment and reached out to some lawyers to see if I have a case for discrimination. Two lawyers refused to even talk to me, one didn't even call me back and I'm waiting to hear back from a fourth on if I even have a case or not. As much as I loved my job, loved my regular customers, I refuse to be loyal to a company that just shit on me when I've given them over 2 years of my life and working my ass off to keep our metrics and sales up, even to the point of putting a thousand dollar bonus in my store manager's pocket that none of us ever saw
I don't have anything against my local food bank. It's at my local community college and it's open to everyone, not just students. Its only open on Thursdays from 10 am to 1 pm, I went to my local community college, met with admissions, applied to the college, went to financial aid and applied for FAFSA for the fall term (summer classes start on May 22nd and i haven't been accepted yet so the lady working with me in the admissions office said it would be too late for summer classes) and fall classes start on August 21st. I'm waiting to be accepted and apparently, I'll be assigned an academic advisor, can meet with them and get enrolled into the first few courses for the fall semester. i wanted to get a jump start on this whole process and i was told by the financial aid person I met with that it will take 7 to 14 days for my FAFSA to process so I can expect an email sometime soon about that.
once I was done with all of that, I went to the food bank and signed in, provided my ID (they require it) and now they're doing boxes that already have food in, taped up, and they just hand it to you.
I didn't check the box until I got back to my apartment and most of the box wasn't edible. The bread was moldy, most of the caned goods had dents on them, I was given a 2lb bag of rice that had been cut open and taped back over with duct tape, I did get a jar of peanut butter and some microwave meals like chef boyardee and chicken noodle soup, so it should be enough to get me through until I am approved for SNAP and WIC benefits. It's not the volunteers (or employees, I guess) faults, I should have checked the box before leaving but they pretty much usher you out the moment you get the box in your hands. I called the office that handles the food bank and distributions because there's a big sign that says “NO RETURNS” in the room they have the food bank in and when I spoke to someone (not sure if it was the woman who runs the food bank or someone who works under her) but when I explained my situation, they said they couldn't help me and once I took the box, it was out of their hands. I was just bummed (still kinda am) because this was supposed to get me through – I don't blame the workers because they can't control the quality but dang, this was just a sucky way to start my day yesterday.
I just need the universe to give me a break, to let me breathe and get myself together and get everything in place. I'm trying so hard to do the “right” thing and I keep getting kicked in the shins for it it seems. I'm not trying to have a pity party but goddamn, I just need a moment to not be so stressed out and constantly worrying about when the next shoe is gonna drop and things get even more complicated