TW: mention of sexual harassment
I work at a sex shop called Lovers, it's a store owned by playboy and they have a bunch of locations all over the US.
I have allot of mental health issues and have been hunting for the perfect job that could accommodate for my needs and as my last resort thought that the kink community would be the most accepting for someone that checks off so many minority labels. And it was, I really enjoyed it. It was such a friendly environment and was able to explain my symptoms to my managers and was in return asked many times how they would be able to support me when needed. I was excited because I had finally found somewhere that I would be able to work at and be successful.
On Friday, may 5th, I was scheduled to work from 11:45 to 3:45. I don't drive, part of my working here was to put money aside to purchase my own car, so I walk to and from work on days my husband is at his pre-apprenticeship schooling. I got to work a bit early and was waiting right outside the doors to my work. I was listening to music, just waiting for one of the managers to show up and let me inside.
I was wearing my nice dress clothes because I wanted to look nice after being chewed out for breaking the dress code the day before (I wore a hoodie on accident, forgot it needed to be semi professional). Normally, I would wear a binder or a sports bra to help compress my chest a bit, I'm trans ftm but because my top surgery is a little more than a month out I was recommended to stop binding in preparation. In a typical sizing chart I am around a 40HH, so no matter what I do it's almost impossible to hide my chest size, but being masculine presenting I hope it's obvious enough to people around me to not comment on it as I in no way whatsoever want any sort of comment on my chest. It's weird and I hate it. this is important in the context of what happens next.
Waiting right outside of the store, still waiting on the manager to let me in, a man comes by and tells me I'm beautiful. I'm thinking to stay quiet, assumption is that he's on something and he'll leave if I stay still. I've had interactions like this before and it typically goes better to ignore the person. He sticks around and is very obviously staring at my chest, he keeps trying to talk to me and is asking my name, telling me his name. He asks if I have an only fans or if I would show him my chest, if I could sell him some pictures. He tells me “oh, wow, the things I could do..” I tell him no, and start considering going into the tattoo parlor that is right next door, I start walking that way and this man blocks my path and reaches a hand out as to touch my chest and then stops and asks for a handshake.
He starts asking me if I'm single, I tell him I'm married and this makes the man a bit more aggressive towards me, like he's verbally sizing my husband up, he approaches me more, stands closer to me and asks me more questions and I'm just scared at this point, just praying my manager shows up sooner than later.
My manager shows up, I'm visibly scared and spooked, I explained to my manager the situation over text while she was driving over and when I get back inside. I'm disassociating heavy and this is still my second full week of training, managers tone sounds more and more agitated every time I ask a clarifying question during my opening training because I'm having a hard time paying attention. Manager tells me that there's very little the store can do at this point because it did not happen inside of the store or while I was clocked in. This bothers me, this makes me uncomfortable. It feels like my case is being dismissed and not taken seriously.
A couple hours into my shift the same man shows up, it turns out he had his car parked in front of the store the whole time , he comes into the store as I'm helping a different customer and is very clearly wanting me to help him. He walks around the store staring at me the whole time, he at one point pretty much stood right behind me with the back to me and did nothing more that stare off and breathe heavy while I was still helping the other customer. I told my manager that guy was the man who was harassing me earlier right before work, and that I was uncomfortable that he was even in the store. He was lingering outside of the store in his car and I was scared.
I had made the comment of “man, that's so uncomfortable I hate that”
And my manager goes “oh about what?”
“The whole thing today with that guy” as if it should have been an obvious thing was was bothering me, my managers response was simply
“Oh you're still on that? Well we really can't do much about it but we can work on what to do next time something makes you uncomfortable in the store”
I have never felt so belittled and dismissed by something that should not have happened in the first place. My husband left his classes early to come pick me up out of fear that this man would follow me home.
I had contacted my works HR department explaining what had happened and asked if I could get transferred to a temporarily remote position until I get my top surgery done since I still want to work for the company. But being that something like that happened I feel it would be best for my own safety to not continue going into that workplace until a solution was found.
I don't know what else to do, I'm still waiting on a call back or an email from HR, I need the money but I also want acknowledge that my safety is important too. I'm just stuck and at a loss for words.