Vent
Even if it's something I want to do… Because I have to do it, it makes me miserable. Am I going to hate every job I get? I'm in retail right now so clearly my view of how jobs are is very skewed. But does it get better? If you like what you do? Or is it still a struggle? How do I enjoy working if I fucking hate it? I try to find the little things, and I try to remind myself that time is getting faster and faster so my shift will be over before I know it, but there's still this underlying… Dread. Doesn't matter if the day is calm or busy. I don't want to be there.
I have ADHD/GAD/Bipolar II as well so this constant worry about how smooth my future employment will be is burning me out.
I only work 25 hours a week — how can I be burnt out? How am I going to handle working 5 days a week later in life?
I also feel like I'm in this mindset because, growing up, I feel like I was always told that to have a fulfilling life, you go to school, get a degree, marry, have a family, a full time job, by like…. 25-30 (for context, I'll be 26 on the 26th this month). But that's not possible anymore. It quite literally isn't.
I'm in therapy but it doesn't help (this issue). Radical acceptance doesn't help because it shouldn't be like this. Living life shouldn't be this exhausting.
I just don't get it. And people say “well you'd still have to work if we as a society didn't have work!! You'd need to tend to the house/garden/livestock/etc.” And I feel like I wouldn't even enjoy that! Am I just stuck feeling this way? Is it my ADHD? Is it my Bipolar? Is it my anxiety? What is it? Is it just me? Or do any of you worry about this? How do I stop worrying? Every day it's catastrophe after catastrophe, shit legislation after shit legislation. How can anyone be happy or content in our current situation? It's hell.