After starting my career in for-profit, I found a job in a small but well-established local non-profit a few years ago. And now I’m starting to question my entire mindset around work and productivity.
I grew up middle-class (dad was a blue collar worker and mom was in civil service) and neither worked very hard to “climb the ladder”. They had structured days and always prioritized family. We ate dinner together every night and would almost always spend the weekend together. I resented always being away from friends when I was a kid but have grown to appreciate the time and experiences we had together. I don’t think either of my parents even finished high school but they of course encouraged us to of course go to college and pursue careers.
I’m 10 years out of high school and have a bachelor’s degree from a liberal arts college, well into establishing my career but feel like I know nothing other than how to spot incompetence. I’m looking to leave my current position because, I hate to tell you, non-profit isn’t any better or anymore “fulfilling” than for-profit. I don’t have any deeper desire to work harder just because it’s “for a good cause.” Maybe if leadership actually worked to make our jobs actually doable and create efficiencies it would be a different story.
I’m sick of the dog and pony show I have to put on to make it through the day. Everything is about productivity/ROI/insert stupid corporate buzzword here and when it all goes wrong there’s always a scapegoat. And you’re waiting for your name to be blamed next. It’s never the fault of the “seasoned professionals” who run the damn shit show and have no concept of the fact that they’ve set people up to fail.
I’m tired. I want to work the hours I’m paid for, have very structured job responsibilities, and take the guess work out of a “job well done.” I’m not looking for recognition, in fact I want to go unnoticed while knowing that I’m getting the work done. Even looking for a new job is like putting on a three-ring circus. The term “networking” makes me sick to my stomach and I feel like I have no “hard skills” because I was just thrown shit to figure out on my own.
Somehow I made it this far, but I often think of how I got here and what they tell you to do to get you where you want to be and all I can think is “I’m not cutout for this.”