I got put on a Performance Improvement Plan (or P.I.P.) last week at my job. My last day there'll be Nov 7, because that's the day we “review the P.I.P.” The reason for this sudden decimation of my current (til this incident I was a model employee) employment is
It's
Well, it's not simple, ya know??
It's not easy to admit.
It's my own fucking fault.
I took drugs during work hours, and humiliated myself in ways I shan't detail for privacy's sake. There was nodding in “important client” meetings, apparently I was speaking with “slurred speech,” my boss detailed it all. I understand the PIP is a formality. I screwed myself bad. I know.
Lemme tell you, friends, my performance, as it were, has NOT, in fact, improved. I work from home, so it's pretty easy to slip into the habit of just not working when you're supposed to because: 1) you're fucking HOME. ALL YOUR STUFF IS HERE! THE CAT NEEDS ATTENTION! THE COUCH AND TV ARE RIGHT THERE. YOU WANT ME TO WORK?!? 2) I hate my job. Like, HATE with a passion kind of hate my job. But it pays well. There were opportunities for growth. I just hate what I do so fucking much. I got a MASTER'S DEGREE in the field, so now I feel like I have to do this work, and again, it payyyyyyssss.
Gonna apply for unemployment and look for a new job. Hopefully remote bc I have no car. I live in a city, but a single person couldn't support themselves on any of the work I could find around here. I'm in debt, of course. $6k credit cards, probably $3k in high interest loans. Student loans of course, as well.
WHY DID I FUCK MYSELF SO BADDDDDD LIKE THIS?!?!? I TOOK OPIATES AND BENZOS SO OF COURSE IMMA NOD OUT OMFG I AM SO FUCKING STUPID. I DESTROYED EVERYTHING WITH ONE BAD DECISION.
I am, of course, a drug addict. I quit more than 10 years ago and started using again this late spring. I have been to rehab 7 times. (I'm 42, f) this makes employment EXCEPTIONALLY difficult. Also the depression, anxiety, sudden death….those don't help either. I'm not using now, if you're wondering. Hoping to keep that going. The NOT using.
I am losing yet another job. I have literally lost count of how many it's been. Drug addicts make terrible employees. I'm so scared I feel like I'm losing my mind. My family are a bit estranged bc of the drug thing. I was very much attached to that job, despite my hatred for it. So all this bad shit, and I am actively treating a drug addiction. My favorite person on earth died. That was the death this late spring. I am NOT doing in patient rehab, as an aside. That's not happening.
I hate working more than anything else in my entire life.
Truth.