Hello, I'm currently employed at my job for a little over a year now. This is my first job. I used to like it a lot until I realized that my boss is terrible, everyone's faking being so happy and loving being in a “family”. I never thought I'd cringe so hard at that word when it was used for a job until I've had to write about how great my company is over and over while our boss mistreats us and I have to handle the work of 2 people within a month of joining.
I used to cry every morning before work, but now I literally don't care anymore. I don't know if this is really burn out because I can still finish my requirements and do things quickly, and I can still manage to socialize when needed. But boy do I NOT care anymore. Finding new jobs on my work laptop? Don't care if IT sees it, the turnover rates are high in my company anyway. Small mistakes that got me shouted at by my boss? I just shrug it off and go about my day. Promotions? Bonuses? I don't care anymore.
I know this isn't a good mindset and I wish I loved to do what I do, but I just don't. I went on leave today for valid reasons and I'm still getting work messages and emails despite announcing to my team that I'm not available, and honestly I haven't even opened any of them unless it's urgent. My life is becoming more of a routine especially with work and if it weren't for my loved ones and hobbies, I feel like I'd skip past the feeling of constant despair over the realities of adulting to absolute apathy. I'm still young and yet I feel stuck and like this is all working will be.
I'm currently trying to apply to new jobs and hopefully I'll be out of this place soon. The job market is tough and I know I should be lucky and feel grateful that I have a job at all.
But this can't be good anymore, is it?