which is a semi lie, of course i want more than that. but as of now, it seems that's all i can ask for.
TL;DR Fuck capitalism i am so tired
not one of my 9 jobs I've had since i was 16 (some of them worked at the same time, I'm not that frequent a job-flipper) has been good. the pay at one of my last jobs was by far the best, but between the quite literally back breaking nature of it + being berated by my weirdo predator boss, i quit.
all of them have been back breaking and/or soul crushing. ALL of them. from food industry, to childcare, to animal care of vastly varying tasks- they all fucking suck. i'm always one of the best employees, i Usually try my hardest even when i know i probably shouldn't, and it never works out.
i have no diploma or GED and no feasible way of getting into college atm, idk if I'd even be able to afford it time-wise, which super sucks because I've just discovered a few things i would actually really love to study. this comes after years of being extremely burnt out and hopeless wrt school.
in latest developments, i quit my last two jobs for similar root causes of shit management. i just got a new job, and while I didn't have the very highest hopes for it, it's already very obviously shit. little to no training for a job that poses serious safety concerns for employees and clients both. no one there really understands what they're talking about. I've been working there about 3 weeks now and just now got a schedule that wasn't merely a verbal “come in tomorrow/this day this time”, which includes my being scheduled to work on one of Two (2) days i requested off w/ complete open availability otherwise. i sent a message to my manager who handles the scheduling and never got a reply. so i called the store when they were supposed to be working and got told i had to call the GM and talk to her about it, which makes no fucking sense because she doesn't handle the scheduling. this is the same GM who, upon finding out i got another job (i am Very PT here at about 15 hrs/wk so far), immediately asked where my “priority” lies. to which i essentially didn't answer, because what the fuck are you on about, I've been here 2 weeks and get paid not a dollar over min wage to work in hazardous conditions. anyways, when i called to talk to the GM, they said she was out and to try tomorrow. I'm just not going to atp, idk if I'll call out or no show day-of, or just quit.
this job provides jack shit training for a position that should be VERY thoroughly trained. my coworkers violate safety policies all the time, and then complain about the problems that occur as a result. they have no idea what they're talking about and make batshit insane assumptions & accusations that contribute to putting Everyone at risk. i figured it wouldn't be great, but it's astonishingly bad. I've already had 2 injuries, one from lack of providing proper safety gear and another was kind of no one's fault, but it pisses me off nonetheless and has resulted in some pretty severe pain & bruising that leaves me unable to work safely.
my coworkers/manager also seem to gossip about each other all the damn time, so while they've all been nice to my face so far, I'm already over it- though there are other more severe reasons that I've been “over it” since day 3. multiple of them also had streph the other day, still working away, maskless and all.
i don't want to lose the money from this job but it is so insanely physically & morally stressful, idk if i can keep doing it. and sometimes i feel like this is a me problem, because it KEEPS HAPPENING With every job i have. every. single. one. the caretaking-type careers though, like this one, are the most crushing. i do have a second job (Again) at least, my partner has worked there and I've met his coworkers & bosses several times and they're pretty cool, kind and understanding even of our ridiculous personal lives, he even enjoys it there. it seems much more chill, but at this point, I don't really have much hope even then.
i am so worn down from working since i was a child and being poor since pretty much forever. i have a hard time believing it'll ever get much better, especially with recent circumstances. i seem to not be qualified enough for anything, or I'm lacking one resource or another (car, ins, education, etc) which holds me back from other opportunities. it extra sucks when we're trying to move out of a long term borderline abusive living situation with my family. i am so tired. i will keep trying regardless, but i am exhausted. this way of life, this way of surviving, HAS to change.