Mainly venting for a bit, but adds context. Issue is with a vapid manager.
I'm mid-30s, and I am working in a Government role. It's permanent, highly secure, flexible with Work from Home (WFH) and leave, and pays better than a liveable salary. Wages are incrementally increased every year, and there is no stressful negotiation process for a higher salary tied to my performance nor productivity. No hard-work incentives. As a nice bonus, I'm part-time, only clocking on 4 days per week. I am well-aware it is an extremely fortunate, and very sweet deal.
I often find myself with nothing to do and I don't feel great about it. I have been wondering why…
I don't have a well-defined role. I did in the past, however that was quickly ignored and I was handed tasks well outside my scope, and in some cases competence. I viewed all this as an evolution of my role, and earnestly took it on as a learning/growth exercise. Still do. I'm not married to any singular concept of what sort of professional I want to be, nor what I want to do. I simply don't care. Providing for myself, being independent and self-sufficient, and having some extra resources to enjoy life beyond work are what I value. I've achieved these things.
However, I probably only put in about 1-2 hours worth of work a week. Little odd jobs that come up here and there. I don't mind doing them and can enjoy the unique challenges sometimes. But I feel guilty about having so little to do. I think a lot of this is coming from my direct manager. He seems to have some staunch, if not totally outmoded beliefs about what people should be doing at work.
He is a 50-something who has been in Government all his life since graduating university way back when. This is only his second role within Government in all his time. To call him stubborn and emotionally flat would be a gross understatement. He doesn't listen to the advice of his team, even those who are highly competent, and when you do talk to him, he only rattles off prescribed “textbook responses” and is quite robotic. He's quite vacant behind the eyes; I'm unsure about his ability for critical thought and some of my colleagues share this view (we talk a lot). His only emotional response is frustration when you challenge his ideas, and he is massively dismissive of outside commentary or alternatives. He's also rather spineless and gets rolled by other managers for resources, money, positions, and Executive attention. He's a loser, IMO.
He forces the whole team into Team Meetings twice per week for everyone to discuss what they're working on. Everyone is tired of it, and often just list off a bunch of tasks to sound busy and productive, but the team already knows what everyone else is doing. He maintains he needs these meetings to stay informed of what the team is doing for his own understanding, but back at our desks, he sits there quietly and just does paperwork. He never explains what he's working on, never pipes up during the day to engage team members, or even try to understand their work, or them as people. He looks and sounds fairly despondent 100% of the time and constantly has a mask on. An incredibly uninspiring person, definitely not a leader.
I wouldn't say I've “quiet quit” as I still voluntarily take on additional work, but mainly to help my other colleagues whom I like, irrespective of my manager's concerns. When my boss isn't around, the team is much more jovial, engaged and happy to be there. In fact, I voluntarily pick up more work when he's not around because I find I have more engagement. He kills everyone's mood and motivation by introducing a certain “walking on eggshells” vibe where if you aren't visibly performing and producing things that look good (irrespective of their quality), you're just a shit employee. He doesn't think daily, business-as-usual work is real work, despite working in a bureaucracy.
So that's what I walk into every day, so I don't work… My manager thinks I'm a shit worker, making me feel more shit and not wanting to work, so he thinks I'm more shit. Terrible cycle. And it's not that I personally feel guilty about my situation, but that I'm being made to feel guilty, despite being a success when framed with my own personal values.
I think my manager is just projecting his own weak values because he's insecure or something about them? Maybe he's full of shame he himself has swallowed some terrible work values that he can't change on? Maybe he's resentful because I'm out there relaxed and enjoying life, and he isn't? Maybe he perceives I've had a better run than him? Maybe he's projecting his own guilt onto me because he feels he's not doing anything useful nor productive himself? Maybe he hates where he's at in life and is depressed?
Beyond this one guy, my work situation and colleagues are great. I'm definitely keen to pick up more work, to do more and help out. And some of the work on offer has interesting aspect to it.
I guess I'm just looking for a neutral, third-party perspective on this. Is my manager just a terrible leader? How can I better manage the guilt that's coming up?