(vent/support seeking)
This has been the worst year of my
career, psychologically. I was unjustly given a looming threat of being fired at the start of the year, and casually reiterated now and then for what felt like dramatic effect. Obviously, 7 months later and I'm still employed, but the threats are getting more intense.
Of course, the first time it was uttered I started to look for a new job.
But, like most people across tech, finding a job right now is nearly impossible due to massive layoffs since late last year. There aren't enough openings for all the ppl looking.
I'm just feeling so miserably trapped. I left freelancing for this job for “mOrE sTaBiLiTy” like an idiot. Now all of my clients have moved on and everyone who's been laid off is freelancing.
And I'm now realizing that I was essentially gaslit into believing that I was underperforming so that when they're done with me, they can fire me with no severance or unemployment pay. They've fired entire departments at once earlier this year and had to shell out serious money to each person, so I guess the new tactic is to document that you're doing something “wrong” so they can kick us to the curb for free.
TLDR;
Idk I guess I'm mad at myself for giving up my freedom and control to join what I thought would be a good opportunity. But instead I've been so paralyzed with the fear of being fired that now I'm actually not performing my best. I'm so terrified to make the tiniest mistake that I swear it feels like my brain isn't even functioning. And the poor timing with current job market hasn't provided a means of escape.
Wish I could afford to just quit and figure it out, but I have a family to support. Has anyone made it to the other side of a situation like this?