I have worked in my current role for just shy of 3 years and with this same department manager throughout that time.
In our latest 1:1 earlier this week she told me I don't share (we were discussing personal and work life), she feels she has to insert herself into my work and that I keep myself and my work to myself. She was discussing some bullshit model (Johari window) in the context of said sharing (or In her opinion , lack thereof) and said that my “Johari window was very small” because I don't share and so she can't see my potential because she can't understand.
All of this was very out of the blue, and so I gathered my thoughts and own evidence and asked to speak with her again this morning (she cut that from 1hr to 0.5hr because she had too much admin to do but we overran anyway and took almost the full hour). I reiterated that I don't need to share personal life at work beyond where I want to and that this feedback about sharing was surprising because I always chat issues or concerns through with colleagues or ask questions (her included and evidenced the times I'd done this on a recent task she'd originally used as an example) and actually have written evidence from formal feedback where I was praised for my abilities with collaboration and communication from both my team and management (including her). I asked if something had changed recently and she said it's simply how she feels and that we'd have to agree to disagree (I have physical evidence, there's no disagree!). I explained that her saying she couldn't see my potential after working together for 3yrs was hurtful and upsetting and she simply replied she stands by the comment (couldn't even muster an apology for how it made me feel, I have had 2 severe panic attacks this week following our conversation which is something I'd had under control for a long time). She said that she can't understand or see my potential because I don't share enough about work (I ask questions only when needed not over every tiny thing I do) and she said that she wants to be able to see my thought pattern when making decisions (it's not maths, I don't need to show my fucking working out! Why is 'this is the conclusion I've reached so far, here's my question', not enough?!). Without knowing my thoughts, she doesn't know my potential.
Am I going fucking loopy here? I feel like she doesn't understand personality types unlike her own and doesn't appreciate the differences in the way that people work and approach tasks. As long as we're all reaching the same result, does it really matter?
(Edited to add/correct missing word)