TW : don't read if you think this kind of post could affect your mood / you're not doing too well right now.
Hi there people.
I've lost a very good friend last week. He was one of the best human beings there were, and he killed himself after writing a letter about how he couldn't deal with humanity anymore, mentioning that everything felt empty and void of meaning, and that we were heading towards an incredibly dark future. We've played games together since we were kids (video games, LOTS of warhammer up until this day, sports and so on) and I think it's going to take me a long time to grieve.
It's in German since it happened in Germany, but I translated it anyways. It's incredibly similar to what a lot of people are constantly talking about in this subreddit, so I thought you'd want to read it.
He kept using the same words at the beginning of each sentence… “I”m tired”…and that's what it ended up looking like :
” I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry dad. We all knew this was coming and there's nothing I could do to fight this. I'm sorry that you'll suffer because of me but I'm a weight for everyone. I must go, and there's no easy way to say what so I'll just spill my guts in one go :
-I'm tired of knowing that what I'm doing is useless: the only reason I have a job is to survive and not end up dying. I'm wasting my time and my life when I could do something meaningful if I had the money.
-I'm tired of hearing some people say on social media that “men are useless and we don't need them”. I'm not a commodity, I'm a human being just like you.
-I'm tired of seeing all the people around me sad and depressed all the time about me because this corporate life is truly soul-draining
-I'm tired of knowing I have no future : buying a 500-600k euros house means I'd have to earn 100k euros a year, which is NEVER going to happen to me
-I'm tired of seeing how broken relationships are nowadays : people don't want to sacrifice their precious personal lives in order to build something bigger
-I'm tired of this “entrepreneur” mindset BS that social media keeps spamming to us : it's been a trend for 10 years, but the reality is that it's not for everyone and most people fail AND you don't make nearly as much money as people think. It shouldn't be a trend, it's a life choice : there's nothing “cool” about it
-I'm tired of people judging each other depending on their life choices like they had any idea what life was about
-I'm tired of the “self made man” fallacy : no one makes it on their own, and most people who make it come from wealthy families.
-I'm tired of knowing about everything that's wrong and not be able to do a damn thing about it : corruption, greed, desdain…all of it coming from our so-called elites
-I'm tired of being depressed about ever darker tomorrows. Life keeps getting harder and there's no light at the end of the tunnel for most people
-I'm tired of the way so many people seem to celebrate billionaires, thinking that one day they might become one too : they've been lied to, but millions of them just won't care.
-I'm tired of the media constantly telling me what's wrong and what I should do to change myself and my life
-I'm tired of how we fail to respect each other these days. We're more and more cruel every day to our peers, and have less and less patience because of how tough life is.
-I'm tired of how love seems to be dead now, it's all about who looks best and who has money. The rest doesn't matter.
-I'm tired of how poverty is becoming a bad word. Like it's a disease and that people who are subject to it are in fact guilty and evil when the opposite is much more frequent.
-I'm tired of how bland everything is : modernity is bland in every possible way.
-I'm tired of seeing how all of our values are gone : families, communities, friends, partners, brothers in arms, sons, daughters, you name it…the meaning is lost on me and everyone nowadays.
-And most of all, I'm tired of how painfully obvious it is that hope disappeared from the surface of this planet : we lost our will to fight oppression, we're too exhausted to do anything…there's nothing uglier than soulless beings and that's what we're becoming.
I write all of this in a state of serenity and of absolute clarity : I'm not crying or hurting while writing this. I could have added hundreds more lines. I simply know that all of this is true. I feel like this is the century during which we'll undo everything we've build as a species during the last few thousand years. Never before had values been erased and replaced by such emptiness. Struggling an entire life with a real hope in sight is a hundred times preferable to surviving with none…and we have none. There is no redemption or happy ending here, no catharsis or salvation. We're greed incarnated, to the point where we're destroying everything that defined our greatness. What was a means to and end is now just and end, and there's no coming back.
I love you mom, you too dad, please try to forgive me. It was never your fault, you did an awesome job as parents, I just can't stand this fucked up place anymore.
I hope there's something after this, so I can see you again and actually exist in a place that's not the monstrous world that is ours”.
I'm devastated, and I feel like he wasn't lying : he was probably perfectly in control and calm when he did what he did, and that's a scary thought. I tried to be extremely active the last two weeks to keep myself from thinking about it, as I'm a very positive individual even during tough times…but this is still going to haunt me for a while, I think.
nb: I tried to post it early this morning but I removed it accidently 15 minutes later, mistaking it with another post. I apologize in advance to those who saw this already.