TW// suicidal thoughts, don’t actively want to take the action but since this is a serious vent wanted to put the warning.
To start off with, I do not want to say much about my current job because I do not want to risk the possibility of it somehow getting tracked back, but it is a $11 usd retail job in the Midwest. Where I have been working has been chronically understaffed due to corporate wanting to cut back spending and the pay being lower than even what fast food such as McDonalds is offering to pay in the local community. While in the past it’s been stressful, there was at least a sense of comradery amongst the other workers that I could find some comfort in that we’re all in it together. But this has recently changed, where I’ve found myself doing more and more of the basic labor, while feeling as if some higher ups (not like management but not just an average worker) are trying to pile more on my plate while others get by with doing a lot less. It has gotten to the point where I’m getting off work late due to what needs to be done, and often find myself not taking any breaks because of what is required of me.
Due to this, I have become extremely suicidal and have fallen back into harmful coping behaves that I only did before I was medicated in middle school. I genuinely thought that life would be better than this, I loved people and life and experiencing it all. But after university, despite graduating cum laude and having good references, I ended up in this shit job where I want to kill my self and only find hope in my friends / my cat / dnd. What is the point of even trying to leave and make the situation better if the place I live in stuck with such poor paying retail/jobs in general that a degree gets me this?? (Some right leanings folks would say it’s because I decided to focus on history/art in college but I just don’t want to hear that right now.)
So, what should I do? People I know will say to just quit, but I need this money, I need it to keep me and my cat fed – even if it’s poorly. I just know that if even one day l, after a weekend, makes me feel this bad, I’m in need of solution. An obvious one is to move, but I have little savings and no support system anywhere else. (I have friends in other towns/states but they’ve all separated out.)
Thank you for listening, probably will delete this Reddit account like I have with others because I sometimes regret what I have said – but for now, I am all ears.