A month ago I had to suddenly put down my seven year old dog. I had been having mental health challenges from the sheer volume of work this year already (I have diagnosed OCD and depression), so when it happened I was in a horrible place. Very depressed and upset. Not directly at work or anyone particular, more so with myself, for giving so much of my time to work instead of the things that matter, like walking my dog. I regret staying on calls an extra 45 min to listen to someone complain while my husband walked our dog. It’s also so clear to me now how inappropriate that expectation colleagues of mine have for each other.
So, after my special boy passed, I shared with my manager I needed time off (I had 2 weeks planned already but I needed to be alone sooner). During my request, I also shared that I had a new perspective on work and will be encouraging others to spend more time with the ones they love, doing the things they love doing. After I finished talking, my manager didn’t even ask about coverage needs or a time off plan for me – just asked me what I meant by encouraging others, i.e. they don’t give a shit how I’m doing. It took a week in total for them to review my coverage plan with me and give me the space I needed.
A month has passed and I came back yesterday. Had a conversation with my manager about where I was then and now, and I acknowledged in an act of self reflection and feedback that I was in a bad place at that time. I reiterated I’m not intending to create frustration or hostility within the team, I simply want people to feel supported and empowered in the way I hadn’t felt.
And that’s when they tell me it would be ‘completely unacceptable’ for me to talk to others on my time about how I feel, because they might be struggling but for different reasons.
How much bullshit is this? Are there limits to what I can talk to those on my team about? For context this is a very large company in CA and we are salary employees. Should I wait until the holidays are over to ask my HR rep for a meeting about this?