I've taken nearly a year off work. I went on medical leave last February and ultimately quit my job a few months later. I've been in therapy and trying to recover from some severe burnout. Now my financial ability to stay home is ending and I need to figure out what's next.
I've spent hours and hours on the internet to try and find some perspective and nothing resonates with me. I don't understand the obsession with productivity, except that it makes someone else more money. I don't understand the desire to learn new job skills and equating that to growth as a human being. How does learning how a particular machine or computer program works improve my life as an individual? I don't understand how people regard work as fulfilling, rewarding, and engaging, when I have never felt satisfaction or accomplishment from a position I have held. Many people insist that work staves off loneliness and boredom, but I have not felt bored or lonely at all in my time away. I have been less bored and lonely without a work schedule preventing me from seeing my friends or engaging in my hobbies. Everything people say to justify and encourage work leaves me confused and increasingly resentful.
I have very few transferable skills from an adulthood in a field I no longer wish to pursue. I went to college for a time, but I have no degree and I don't want to obtain one without a clear idea of its use. I am useless, unqualified, and unmotivated. I just want to be creative and enjoy my life. I don't know what to do or where to start.
I might end up blowing the last of my savings and then living in my car. Ending things is also an option, when all others are exhausted. I don't feel like I was meant for this society in this world, and I don't know if it's possible for my to be happy in it.