Yep, back in the ol they want me gone phase 4-8 of a relatively new job.
Phase 1: try and sync with management and team
Phase 2: learn responsibilities and stake holders of said role
Phase 3: try and enhance current offerings to org (oops you're an outsider, no info for you, good luck)
Phase 4: fight the isolation tactics
Phase 5: fight the BS work that isn't related to your skillset
Phase 6: document all communications
Phase 7: fight bs work with documentation
Phase 8: find new role at org or outside org
Phase 9: wonder how I'll pay for shelter, food, family needs.
I really wish places wouldn't isolate folks and be honest up front of a role isn't a good fit or of the team don't want you. At least then I'd know if I was valued. Also sending your subordinates mixed signals doesn't help either.
I just want to do what I was hired for, not be treated like an emotional rag doll and wonder if I can pay bills as a result of mismanagement of my availability and skills, or petty team members that purposely isolate folks.
I'm tired of it.
Honestly I wish that a sniper had taken me out while deployed, the worry and stress daily makes me freeze or procrastinate now more than ever.
I used to love creating things while getting paid.
I used to love solving problems.
Then managers abused my time off and burned me out twice.
Then my testosterone bottomed out below 180 and even with meds won't come back.
I'm so tired these days, everything hurts, and I can barely focus on the bullshit tasks I'm given to make it look like I work so my current place can probably use it as an excuse to hire more offshore people.
Hugging my family used to fix my mood, going on drives, enjoying TV and food.
Nothing works anymore, and meds don't help either.
They did this to me.
The military took my original career from me.
The first couple jobs took my health.
The last half dozen jobs took my passion.
I'm done playing this stupid game. I hope I can make it just long enough to hug my wife one more time.