i cant stop crying because one of my coworkers says things to my face but runs off or says it when no one else around so i can’t say anything back in time, which is probably for the best because the last time i snapped and swore at her by mistake (sensitive personality and panic attacks from childhood bullying) i did apologise over and over to her but she didn’t say anything back, so she reported me a few months back and i can’t do anything as i would likely get fired even if i just want to reply or stand my ground. she’s the one who works more than i do and has her group of friends at my job so they would all give me death stares and back her up. they don’t talk to me, a few do but are with her friendship-wise. i would quit but i can’t because it’s the closest and most convenient place where i can do my job (massage)
“you always do the easiest jobs.” we both do hard work and we get allocated our tidying jobs from the manager, not my decision, so i end up doing more as coworkers don’t think i contribute but they don’t physically see it.
i try to stay out of her way, saying hi, and try to help but it never seems to be enough. i don’t want to hurt anyone, i made one mistake in snapping but they all hate me. if i say something, i’m done for, she will make my life hell. and i want to work more. i don’t know maybe i’m just an awful person? thank you i’m just really lonely.