Corporate sent around an email today and you just can't make this shit up:
“Hi everyone,
Two weeks ago, we announced our desire to be in-person four days a week, but with flexibility built in at the core. Our goal with this approach is to give staff the freedom, convenience, and responsibility they deserve.
Many of you have reached out, seeking the clarity that you may not have received. Others have raised lingering issues that we’d like to address. No solution will be perfect, but we are trying to balance the needs of all staff, with the demands of our mission, shareholders, and clients.
So, what do we mean by flexibility?
Flexibility gives you the ability not to be monitored but to be trusted. Depending on your circumstances, you choose when to come and go, which day you work from home, when you need to focus on a project from the quiet of your home, and when you need to be around a table with colleagues. Ultimately, it gives you the power to do what you believe is right for your team and for your personal life.
You will be held accountable for the impact of your work and the contribution you make to our [work] community, not how many hours you’re at your desk.
Everyone’s goal should be to come in four days a week. We recognize some weeks that might be two days, some it might be three – and sometimes five. But we should all aim for four.
(…)
As you know, our [new 5 year plan] is demanding much from us – change and innovation too. We are expected to work better within, and across, our silos and with other [similar organizations].
This kind of change won’t happen in a remote work world. We need greater interaction, collaboration, and physical proximity. It will require us to sit around a table, meet new people in the halls, brainstorm ideas over lunch, and bond over a coffee. To change the output of our organization, we will have to embrace that change and work much more closely together.
We are excited to see you soon,
Senior Leadership”