Antiwork

We have a very small team and haven’t been able to keep staff (massive staff churn) I’m the longest serving person and have been doing the work of multiple people for years. I started having panic attacks and wishing I would be in a car accident on the way to work, just so I would have a reason not to go. Even though I know I needed to leave, I can’t help feeling like I’m letting people down and doing the wrong thing. Yes, I know there is something wrong with me but I can’t seem to fix it.

They have been sending emails to staff and families patting themselves on the back for how “promptly” they acted on our behalf. We weren’t allowed to evacuate the building until more than 5 hours after the monitors starting going off. We only evacuated because people started to get ill after the smell from a concurrent natural gas leak started to permeate the building. They claim it was fine because levels were above normal but not toxic. However, they didn’t call the fire department to know the actual levels until more than 3 hours after the initial alarms. Most of our clients are small children who can not express that they are sick, hurt, dizzy, etc and several staff are expecting mothers. This was the sign I needed to finally leave this place.

I woke up 15 minutes before my shift and had like a 0.1% chance of making it on time. 5 years ago I probably would have jumped straight out of bed and ran to my car and tried to speed to work to make it on time. Now…lol fuck that. I was like screw it, getting an attendance violation no matter what I do so might as well just take the whole day off. What's even funnier….I absolutely did not plan this on purpose but the attendance policy at my work says that after 60 days of perfect attendance they remove one infraction from your record. I last called off once, exactly….61 days ago lol. So I'm still at the exact same attendance standing as I was on Monday and they can't say shit about it since it's in writing. Abuse the system when you can, do you.

Should I call in for a day even if I'm not sick just tired? I've been trying to get a day off but all of the days are filled. It's getting harder too with fathers day coming up, since I lost my dad. I don't know what to do in conflicted. Advice would be nice.