I am quite profoundly disturbed by this workplace experience.
I had three people complain about me to the manager. The manager then took all this info directly and I had to meet with HR. The manager did not get my side of the story first and just went straight to HR.
For one of them the complainer doesn't want an apology and I am not allowed to contact them.
Why do people complain about you over your head instead of coming directly to you first?
Why do they achieve by complaining and not wanting a apology?
The actual guidelines in my workplace are that you talk about an issue with the person first as it may have been a misunderstanding/communication and not go to the manager unless you cannot resolve it. The last step is to go to HR.
The online meeting with HR starts off by the manager saying I am really hard worker, great initiative, resourceful, smart, lots of positive praise etc. and the person who complained said I was a great help, the project could not have been completed without me and they are so grateful of my expertise but then I got thrown under the bus.
The complaints were that I purchased an incorrect item, I replied to an email first, I asked them about their family, their country/culture and injury (I was actually asked to help them work on a project because of this so it was mostly about trying to gauge where what tasks they could and couldn't do) and this made them feel uncomfortable. The HR person said that health or family are not appropriate workplace conversations. I was just trying to be chatty and friendly. The HR person was very patronising, condescending and demeaning. I was crying a lot. They stressed again these are not professional workplace topics. I would be happy to admit I did something wrong and apologize. I had no idea at the time so continued behaving in the same way. The main complainer documented all these little things I did wrong over 8 months but didn't tell me. Two of the complainers actually yelled at me because I didn't do something correctly, one of them yelled worked faster. I didn't complain as I thought they were just stressed. Some of the complaints were not even true.
I didn't find out about the specific complaints until I got to the meeting so I had no way of defending myself. Also it turns out if you have to meet you HR you should take a support person and ideally they should be a union rep or someone who knows something. Make sure you receive a structured agenda to anything you go to like this and make sure they do not deviate off topic.
The manager went back to the main complainer whom I was asked not to contact they said they did not intend to cause me harm but they didn't apologise? The complainer was not looking to resolve any issues. I am not sure what they would expect would happen.
I should ad I have ADHD (haven't been able to take medication) and ASD (Level 2) but have not disclosed this. My manager is aware that I have a number of other chronic health issues and are unable to work full time. The HR person also knows this but they didn't ask me anything at the time. I was told by someone else I shouldn't have to disclose anything to be treated better? Autism has one of the highest rates of unemployment and/ underemployment here.
I am being reassessed to see if I can take ADHD medication-so that might help? Actually I was assessed by the government that I could just live on social security payments and am eligible for government workplace and support funds. I have worked in other places and with other people they either just adapt, find a way to communicate with me and just accept I am a bit weird maybe. I don't really like labels to define being a bit different. I often ask a lot of questions so I am clear and some people don't like that.
Would the HR person, the complainers, manager be more considerate if they had known? You can't tell by looking at me and there isn't hard fixes like building a ramp into a building.
I am told you just need to move on and get over it but it is very hard for me. Multiple people have told me to look for another job.