I just gave up and I am proud of it. I still have my job and because of financial reasons I have to stay here until I find a new one. But I basically gave up on anything related to it.
I used to be among top employees for a couple of years. Company changed a lot and I tried to keep up since I was always told I was great and totally up to a promotion whenever there would be a chance. Yes I was a clown, i know it, please keep that comment to yourself. I learned my lesson.
I did a lot of work, keeping always both productivity and quality as high as possible. I am one of the more expert employees around and often helped less experienced coworkers. I didn't mind being asked things and giving out a hand even if it was not strictly my duty. My coworkers were respectful of my boundaries and didn't bother me if I had my own workload to think of.
Managers however were kind of taking advantage of it and again, I know I was dumb, but I felt like I had to prove to them I could do more and maybe get finally promoted.
Well the month is ending and because of the thousand bug in our systems, my monthly report regarding performance is missing data. Consecutively by the system I am under-performing and won't be receiving monetary bonuses, despite working harder than ever. The missing data is not new and in the past I had to work my ass off in order to compensate. This month it has been worse than before. No matter how much I worked to compensate it wasn't getting better.
Then it got even worse. It all went down and by company system I won't be awarded a bonus for the first time in my career. I spoke with my manager, I even have been collecting my own data as kind of 'proof' of my work, but they seem unable to bring this issue higher than our department.
At this point I decided I am no longer giving all that energy to this. I instantly put a request to work from home and I should be set up in no time. I am not running around behind people and I am not handling tasks that are not mine to do. I am clocking in at 9 and clocking out at 5 not a minute more. I am giving the minimum energy to my work and I am not intended to care about it more than strictly necessary.
So now I want to re-connect with myself. I want to pick up my old hobbies and interests instead of doom scrolling socials because work and commute exhausted me.
Do you have any tips on how to go back to my interests? Books, drawing, painting, music… I am quite an artistic person.
I don't have my instruments here, my piano is at my family home, but I have quite a random TBR and some painting supplies I was playing with. I also would like to take outdoors more, but I think my body will need a break for a while.
Any advice on how to overcome reader's block, artists block or any block at this point, is welcome. I wanna do things for myself and not to be productive. Simply enjoy them.