Almost everyday I find myself just wrapped in anxiety and congested from stream of daily tears of frustration. After spending 10+ years of working shitty jobs, I finally landed a place where I was happy and felt accomplished at a job that treated me well and paid me fairly in an expensive city. On top of that, I found the position to be fulfilling in that I felt I was making an impact and felt appreciated by the CEO and president of the company.
Throughout my 4+ years at this company, I was able to get my MBA while still working full-time. It just so happened I graduated with my masters just before our company announced our acquisition during the begining of the pandemic.
On paper, everything was great, I had my MBA which really put me in an optimal position at this new company. I had some really unique and great connections at my previous company. I had measured contribution in revenue and overall I had a great reputation.
I told myself I would give this new company 3 years, despite all my peers quitting around me due to the drastic changes in culture and environment. A few years in, after failed attempts at securing a fulfilling role, I began to loose hope. The job market was flooded with competition due to lay-offs which began the feelings of being trapped. Every week, month that went by I felt more and more lost floundering in the system and letting my skills atrophy. I became more and more forgotten despite trying to find projects that would leverage my skill set to my fullest potential.
Today I feel like a shell of my optimistic, freshly minted MBA, career driven self. I have felt used, abused, and discarded. The leaders and I relied on to help guide me through were too busy saving their own skin to care about me.
My current role is just a role of necessity (in order to not be at risk of being laid off) and not at all reflective of what I am capible of. I go into work everyday feeling anxious and just broken in my lack of confidence of doing anything right. I need to keep a steady income for the next year while my spouse is getting his doctorate or else I would quit on the spot.
I have been riding the corporate wave and am just another statistic. Just a reminder that your company will never care about you. The individuals in management may genuinely care about you, but at the end of the day the bottom line does not.
Wish me luck antiwork. I'm trying to find a way to breakout on my own and embrace what once made me not hate the majority of my existence.