Throwaway account just in case.
A few weeks ago, I was sexually assaulted by a patient at work. I feel like life is just falling apart. I am so sad, and I don’t know what to do. I feel so violated. My partner doesn’t deserve to have a shell of a person slugging along at home.
I went to the police, and they still haven’t questioned him. I was told it was serious, but there hasn’t been much done. We are currently stuck on trying to get CCTV footage from outside (there is none inside) but apparently body corporate don’t know how to access it. They have my uniform for DNA testing, but I don’t know if they’ll do anything. It feels like it’s been so long.
At work, I don’t have duress alarms or anything, and told I can’t have one. I work alone sometimes. I am out of pocket so much money from trying (and failing) to get medical care. So far it’s just been “oh, that’s horrible, have this medication even though you haven’t been comfortable to be on meds for years”
Even worse, he came back again last week. I didn’t even realise who it was at first as I didn’t look at his face, but he was waiting at the door staring at me. After a while (after I had told him to sit down twice) I went to go and get him and realised who it was. I hid myself behind a door and had a panic attack.
I just want to go to work and feel safe, but I don’t. I don’t feel supported. Hell, I was told that I couldn’t give his details to cops, they had to get it from the company instead. Some co-workers have been really helpful with listening to me but it really feels like upper management don’t want anything to do with it. I don’t know if that’s the truth or not but I just feel like I’m fucking crazy or something. I need time off, but I don’t feel like I can. I need to pay rent and shit still. To top it off, my mum has just been diagnosed with cancer. She started chemo today and I feel so fucking bad for her, but I don’t have any emotional energy left. She lives in a different state. I want to support her but I am empty. I don’t know what to do.
Have any of you experienced this? What did you do to feel heard and be taken seriously? I just want things to be normal, but I also desperately want time off but can’t. I still want to look after the good patients. But this doesn’t feel normal. It’s getting to the point where my arms and legs are going numb all the time and it’s like someone is sitting on my chest. My body doesn’t feel like mine anymore. I’m drinking and smoking too much and don’t have any outlet. I don’t want to off myself but sometimes it feels like that’s all you can do to escape this capitalist hellscape. thanks for listening. Sorry about the shitty novel.