Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting here, and I could use some advice. I realize what reddit sub I'm in so I'm expecting a certain kind of feedback, but I think it might help me some to hear a different perspective than what I am used to.
To start, I have really bad anxiety that is especially triggered by work, all my jobs ever, and the fear of under-performing, getting in trouble, and/or being fired. As such, I am a bit of a work-a-holic, but it's taken a toll on my body.
So the anxiety spiral I am in: should I work this weekend or take a break? Here are the details:
- I have a WFH job I enjoy with a supportive, non-micromanaging manager. I've been here 4-5 months and have done stellar so far with great feedback from managers and co-workers. I feel like I really landed something good here.
- I'm also working on a stressful freelance project that has been ongoing for about 2 years and spilled over into me getting this new FT position. It helps financially but adds a lot of stress to my life.
- I've been juggling both jobs for the past five months without a break, and the freelance job prior for two years alongside 2-3 other gigs at any given time, ultimately worsening my anxiety and depression, and causing frequent panic attacks.
- I do my best to work on the freelance work only before and after hours of my FT, just as an FYI. I care a lot about doing the 'right' thing here because I feel very grateful for the FT job I have.
- I was assigned a new task at my full-time job with an August 31 deadline which I know I can do. But the freelance job picked up this week, increasing my stress and impacting my full-time work performance because I was having panic attacks, GI issues, nausea and sickness, depression, SI, rumination, lack of concentration etc. just from the stress that then snowballed because less productive at work = more anxiety = more symptoms that hinder productivity = less productive at work.
- So this week, I struggled to focus and didn’t accomplish as much as I hoped at FT job. I'm worried about presenting a simple progress report on Monday that our team always does, so there are no hard deadlines or anything I need to 'hit' here, I just don't want to look like I was slacking off. Because, even though my brain is sludge and I got (what i feel is) very little done, I really really tried despite that.
Should I work this weekend to catch up to a place I feel more safe for the progress review, or use the time to recharge? If I don't work, how should I explain my lack of progress to my manager on Monday, if I even need to? I actually do feel I can still get the project done in the time-frame I need, I just had a pretty shitty week…but I don't know how to approach this.
Thanks for any advice!