I already have a bunch of mental illnesses (bipolar I, borderline personality disorder, social anxiety and ADHD). Oh and alcoholism and substance abuse. I have a bunch of university diplomas but everytime I got a job I ended in psych wards or fired. I haven’t been working for 3 years and a month ago, I found a job I kind of like but also it makes my social anxiety flare up so I drink in the evening and on the weekends.
I always made some stupid typos mistakes in all my jobs because ADHD, not that I don’t know how to write, and it will probably get me fired. I also sleep extremely bad because social anxiety before going to work and I ease my anxiety by drinking in the evening so it makes everything worse. I even relapsed last week on the needle by injecting Adderall.
Getting a new job I like should make me fucking clean my act and bust my ass, but it only makes me want to self destroy. I like the tasks but as with my previous jobs even before I started doing drugs, I’ve always forget typos and are generally disorganized. What I thought was finally my dream job is in fact a nightmare. I hate work.