Just wanted to share my story as I'm lurking around this thread for some time now. About a year ago after walking away from my 1st full time office job of 1.5 years due to major amounts of stress I had a major depressive episode that led me to a period of isolation and misery.
After therapy, anti depressants and forcing myself to go to the gym to improve my well-being I've thought that my situation improved, because for a long time I've been doing some passion projects and earning some money as a freelancer, enjoying little things in life, traveling for a while, helping my family, reconnecting with friends etc. All of my suicidal thoughts drifted away, my mood swings got better and I felt relieved, so after some time I decided to find a job position for a steady paycheck.
I found a job in logistics in April because it was the only sector that I had any relevant experience in (i've also worked in tourism for a brief time (my Bachelor's degree is tourism management) and as a waiter part-time). The work in itself was literal hell, because it was a lot more stressful than I've ever experienced even at my previous logistics position. My social anxiety with which I've started struggling recently made me quit my job in 2 weeks, because I couldn't sleep, my thoughts were racing in my head and it was a struggle even though I was just learning the position. Mind you I knew that the start of any job is hard and I don't think impostor sindrom had a lot to do with it.
After this the little income I've earned during these 2 weeks went towards my portion of the bills (even though I live with my mom I'm trying to help out as best as my financial ability allows). I tried to evaluate everything to not make the same mistake again.
So after leaving my job in May I traveled for a while longer to relax and tried my best to not relapse into depression once again. I succeeded in that and started to look for a new position in the middle of August and tomorrow will be 2 weeks in my new job. It's not logistics this time, however it's probably the most responsible and therefore stressful job I've ever had or been in. It takes everything from my side just to hang in there but every day I feel worse and worse, the stress is overwhelming even though I try my best to combat it. I struggle to sleep at night, come home with no energy, I'm grumpy and feel like a different person, a zombie really. Is there no hope for me? I'm considering to quit after a month to earn some cash and look elsewhere but it seems like I can't hold a job anymore, not a job this stressful at least. I feel really horrible because I know I'm smart and capable and proved I can work hard countless time, however these jobs suck the soul out of me to the point there's nothing left inside.
The only positive I see in this situation is that I eliminated 2 positions that I will never come back to in my lifetime hopefully, that is if I find something different, because each time for me it's harder and harder to find a job, especially in this economy. That and the fact that I have some money saved so finances is not really a problem, at least not until the end of the year. I have an option to also end my academic leave (due to depression) and continue my 1.5 year MBA at an university with a scholarship so that could be an option for a while, however I need to make money to live so only focusing on my studies is not possible unfortunately.
If anyone is wondering I'm 25 and the best time I've had post pandemic was me just enjoying life and doing all the things I've never had the time or energy to do whist working. I feel I'm wasting my life in an office environment, even though people around me probably think I'm lazy, unmotivated etc. It's a dreadful living, existence even working in a job I don't give two fucks about just to make another person rich. The more I think about it, the more pointless these jobs feel for me. I'm sorry if I'm venting but it seems like this thread understands how I feel and don't think I'm crazy or delusional. And I appreciate you guys for that 🙂 Feel free to drop me a message or share your story in the comments, we need to do something about it ASAP…