- Monopolize! Competition is for suckers. Buy out your competition so you can jack prices up.
- Even if you don't have a monopoly, use any excuse to raise prices. Don't worry, your “competitors” will do the same thing, no collusion necessary! Hey inflation is rising isn't it? Yeah, blame it on Biden!
- Lobby up. Make sure policy goes in your favor, but that no one finds out. Buy a politician to sneak some pork in a bill, or beat down regulations, or keep some tax loopholes just for you. Shhh, no one will know if they're all too distracted.
- Distract the masses. Get people gossiping about celebs, feed them Netflix and Tiktok and Candy Crush. If they're glued to their screens and couches, there's no way they can rise up!
- People love houses. So buy as much housing as you can so the rabble can't get to them. Now you can jack up prices again!
- Sell the dream. Of course the American dream is alive! People who think they can get rich will be more tempted by that than by rising up. Forbes, circle-jerk podcasts, shark tank, lean in, girlboss, dropshipping, hustle culture, yeah the idiots eat that shit up! It's all about the individual: if you're poor, you obviously didn't work hard like Mark Cuban or Kylie Jenner or Tony Robbins or whichever clown is popular.
- Identity politics is a godsend! Divide and conquer: Feed LGBTQ, BLM, CRT to the left. Feed KKK, dog whistles, religious nuts, Trump to the right. Let cancel culture fly left and right, sit back, and watch the sparks fly. The poors will be so raving mad at each other that they forget about their financial situation, meanwhile you keep stacking that paper.
- Wages? What wages? We don't need to hire the rabble no more! Make robots and AI do whatever idiot work they've been doing. And if they threaten to unionize, then threaten back that the business will fold! To really teach them a lesson, you can actually let the business fold and just start a new one with robots and AI. Or just move the business to mexico or vietnam. Those brown poors would be thrilled to get $3/hour.
- Keep financial literacy out of schools. Schools are just training centers for idiot poors to be good compliant workers. Keep schools this way!
- Healthcare is priceless! What do you mean you can't afford it, don't you care about grandma? The dumb dumbs really can't let go of their “love” and “ethics,” so they'll pay anything for whatever sounds nice like “health” or “care.” If you're selling any of this stuff, just add a few zeros to whatever the real price is, surely some fools will actually pay it.
- Keep it in the family. Trust the trust fund, make sure your inheritance gets through. Don't you dare pay any taxes when you die, the government is just going to waste it on food stamps or diversity training or some shit.
With these simple tips, you'll be on your way to eating up the entire pie!