Categories
Antiwork

The Most Important Thing in Life (Satire)

Have you ever taken a moment to think about what's most important in life. Family, love, your passion: all things that readily come to mind. However, the real answer is one that most people don't really ever consider, and that's making rich people slightly more rich. Really, of everything you can do in life, nothing will be as impactful as making a rich person just a few more dollars. No sacrifice will ever be more rewarding, and no regret so deep, if you don't. You might attend the birth of your child, but in the back of your mind, you'll feel guilty you aren't in the office beating those sales goals. At the end of the day, no one's going to care about all those tee ball games you'll attend. Every video of those will be overwritten and the plastic participation trophy your child will earn will be thrown away…


Have you ever taken a moment to think about what's most important in life. Family, love, your passion: all things that readily come to mind. However, the real answer is one that most people don't really ever consider, and that's making rich people slightly more rich.

Really, of everything you can do in life, nothing will be as impactful as making a rich person just a few more dollars. No sacrifice will ever be more rewarding, and no regret so deep, if you don't. You might attend the birth of your child, but in the back of your mind, you'll feel guilty you aren't in the office beating those sales goals.

At the end of the day, no one's going to care about all those tee ball games you'll attend. Every video of those will be overwritten and the plastic participation trophy your child will earn will be thrown away and forgotten. However, when your blood, sweat, and tears go to paying for a rich person's new yacht, you'll be able to stand proud knowing you had a part in that.

It may seem like a thankless task, but in the end, your boss is the most important person in your life (according to the standards of the world's most important people). Your partner, parents, and children are all nobodies. None of them have done anything worthwhile with their lives. None have taken credit for world-changing innovations, someone like you has created. None of them can brag that they wine and dine politicians. None of them will ever get to live in Martha's Vinyard, unless they're the help. So why waste your time with them when you can support the lifestyle of someone so much more important?

You might make it to the end of your life and think back on all those hours in the office you spent there, instead of being with your family. You might regret those hours, you might wish you spent more time with your kids. However, that's the loser inside you talking. The only reason you have to regret those hours is because you didn't have enough of them to become important yourself. However, you can find consolation if your children have gone on to follow in your footsteps, and make other rich people slightly more rich.

You may die in obscurity, but that yacht you helped a rich person buy will last forever, or until it's replaced by a better yacht. But don't worry, you served as an example to the rest of humanity. You showed them what was most important: putting the wealth of a rich person first. Were it not for people like you, the world would collapse, anarchy would reign, and those yacht-building companies would go out of business. All of this is what's at stake if we don't remember what's most important.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *