This is really just a vent/sharing post. There is not really a question in this, but I welcome discussion (trolls will be ignored/blocked).
cw for brief mention of mental health and suicide:
I'm a 43 year old man with 17 years of experience in the IT industry – largely in support-related positions but with extensive knowledge of relational databases and SQL, experience with Python, C#, and Javascript, and a sizable toolbox of other technical skills.
At my most recent employer: I had made it through an acquisition when the company I had worked for was purchased by another major software company. Afterward, I was expected to provide support not only for the three applications my original employer offered, but another five applications from the new company.
The lack of training on new softwares and procedures, along with a major increase in workload wore me down very quickly in the year and a half after the acquisition. I started suffering from panic attacks and passing suicidal ideation, and in February 2023, I went on FMLA at my psychiatrist's instructions.
I underwent treatment for 3 months. During that time, I was largely content; the employer offered “salary assistance” so I was not short on money. However, in the week leading up to returning to my job, as I started mentally preparing myself to go back to work, the panic attacks and ideation returned almost immediately.
My psychiatrist recommended additional treatment with the belief that more intensive treatment would help me get back to the point where I could do my job again. I provided this documentation to my employer. After not hearing from them for the entirety of May (which would have been month 4), they notified me in early June that they were refusing to extend my medical leave and that I needed to return to work the following week or face termination.
As I was still undergoing treatment, I explained this to them. Before I could really offer a compromise in the form of accommodations (part-time employment or even performing job duties that did not require direct customer contact – the aspect we'd determined caused a big part of my stress and anxiety), they just told me to be back to work or consider myself terminated for “job abandonment”.
I didn't go back.
Since then, I've been applying to a minimum of 10 jobs a week for which I'm qualified. I never receive any response from about 90% of them, while 9% turn me down outright, and 1% interview me and then reject me.
At this point, we've still got money but it's draining quickly; I'm taking a tax hit penalty because I had a smallish 401k I'd forgotten about and I just cashed it out for hardship purposes. But it's disheartening because I've always been lucky and found a job quickly in the past (the longest time before this that I've been unemployed has been 8 days).
Thing is, I dig not working; the amount of freedom that I have now is just amazing, and I wish everyone could have this WITHOUT the worry of winding up homeless and starving.
On top of that, I hate the idea of going back to a company where the only outcome is that I have money to avoid being homeless. It feels so stupidly meaningless. I'd like to get a job working for a non-profit that actually does something worthwhile for society in general, rather than just earning more money for some company CEO who wants a second yacht. But jobs with actual social value are even more difficult to find.
Again, there isn't really a question here. I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone replied. If anyone has suggestions on what to do, I'm open to them. Thanks for reading.