So my boss' boss, let's call him Winston because every time I get an email from him I wince might just possibly be the world's worst alcoholic.
Winston decided that this was “Year of the Manager” (yes, we had an hour long meeting to discuss this) and has been basically attempting to either drive us insane or overwork us to death.
Some of Winston's Year of the Manager decrees:
1) Managers must preform an audit three days/5 days a week- an audit is when we go out in the field with our employees and inspect their work and criticize every detail. This is a MINIMUM nine and a half hour day (I've had a few 12s from these before) where you're moving on your feet, micromanaging and trapped in a small space. With someone who is VERY unhappy that you're there. When you're done, Winston expects a PARAGRAPH (yes, he did specify a paragraph) long text (yes, it has to be text) message. And he will review you. I'm not sure Winston actually sleeps, because he will instantly respond with questions or needling.
1a) Winston has also mandated that every single audit must be a “perfect” score, meaning you don't go over the allotted time the computer gives the employee to complete the tasks by even a minute. I got screamed at because I was six minutes over with an employee because, get this, the final business the employee and I went to had a power outage and had to manually move their products to us. Oh, and Winston has now mandated that we bring him back a new potential client from every field audit. How might you do this on a time limit when you're not going to areas that aren't already our clients, you ask? We don't know either! But Winston is MAD about it!!!
2) Your other two days, you're on late night duty, which means a 7AM-8PM shift. This is where you're watching and managing all 70+ employees.
3) Winston named me (I was voluntold) head of project optimization. This adds additional duties, which is whatever, but what got me is Winston decided to have a party for all of us! He got food catered (well, I had to deal with the catering)! BUT he didn't want the party to interfere with our regularly scheduled workday, so he set it to he FROM 8PM-9PM. Attendance is mandatory. And we have to bring a list of ten ideas of how we are struggling to discuss.
4) I could go on and on about the daily antics of this insane man, but I don't want any of y'all (or Winston) to find me IRL, but I'll just leave you with the most horrifying Winston moment. We had a manager whose Mom died suddenly and he left to go be with her at the hospital. Winston was furious. He gave her two days off, but had a massive team meeting in which he told us that we needed to notify him in advance and reminded us that HE DID NOT TAKE OFF MORE THAN AN HOUR AnD A HALF FOR THE FUNERAL WHEN HIS OWN MOTHER DIED.