TW: SA, mentions of suicide, medical events
Last week, my dad had a stroke. He's a truck driver and it happened while he was driving in a different state, two timezones away. I got the call from his truck company in the evening and spent about six hours calling every police station and hospital in the county where the accident occurred.
They wanted insurance adjusters to get in touch with him, you see.
I finally found the hospital, got them his insurance info, got myself added as an emergency contact, got all the updates, contacted his family, all the things. Finished up at about 2 AM.
At 7 AM, I clocked into work. I told my boss and coworkers and they said “take time if you need it, let us know what needs covering”.
But I JUST took a vacation. And it's a relatively new job. So without even pausing to think it through, I said some bullshit about how work helps me keep busy and kept on. All last week and this week, everything imaginable went wrong– my dad was released too soon and managed to get a rental car and went missing for a full day. I repeated the “call all the police departments and hospitals” thing until 4 AM… then went to work. I called to coordinate a stay at a church until my brother can drive to pick him up… on my lunch break. Car was towed with his meds in it and I had to negotiate their release… then went to work.
I have not stopped. I don't feel like I can. And it got me to thinking– what terrible things have happened to you that you then had to work in the middle of?
My list (so far):
– vomiting blood due to then-undiagnosed auto-immune disease. Yelled at for trying to call out.
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SA'd by coworker in front of my boss. They tried to make me sign something saying I wouldn't pursue anything. I refused. Still had to work with him.
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dad's first stroke. I was nineteen. Similar situation to this one. Working two jobs at the time, couldn't miss either.
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apartment burned down, no insurance, nowhere to go. I started a new job the next day without my uniform (was given some grace for that). Had to pick up two additional jobs, including crawling back to the one where I was SA'd.
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found my dead cat in the remains of the apartment when we were cleared to go back in and scavenge. Had to work that evening.
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mom's suicide. Again, two jobs. Was told to leave my person baggage at home by one when I was seen crying at my desk.
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best friends suicide attempt. I slept in the emergency room and only left for shifts at various restaurants.
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Jan 6. Watched the live feed on my lunch break and then had to attend an extremely surreal change management meeting.
And now, this.
Does it ever stop? Individual people can show compassion and sometimes, like now, they're genuinely willing to pick up the slack and try to give you the space and time you need, but looking back, I have either been forced or compelled by the memory of having been forced to work through every major tragedy I've experienced. I left early today by an hour and a half because I can't think straight anymore and the guilt is overwhelming.
What about you? What have you had to work through?