I'm so fucking tired. I did quote “All the right things” I started working as a teenager, I was top of my class in high school and college. Did it take me longer sure but that's because I had to work go to school and take care of two parents with fucking cancer on top of having a disability. I did everything I could as someone from the working poor. I avoided the traps best I could and I even fucking held my father's hand while he died in 2020 I even fucking went to my finals and shift the next day because my professors and boss won't give me a day off. I HAVE PUT IN THE WORK AND STILL, I'M NEVER ENOUGH I CAN'T SEEM TO EVER GET A HEAD I have maybe 3000 dollars to my name right now and a shitty part-time job that keeps cutting my hours to basically nothing and I'm just so fucking tired. Every day it's the same thing “You need more experience, you need to do XYZ” while never having a chance to do XYZ. I can't keep doing this I'm basically homeless I'm about to lose my food stamps because no one will give me a second job so I can meet the stupid 20 hours-a-week criteria to keep getting 280 dollars a month which doesn't cover costs due to the corporate greed that's driving inflation.
I don't know what to do anymore. A while back I saw the new york times came out with an article about what people with student loan debt should do when payments come back and the last thing on the list was to die. While I don't have student loans I keep thinking back to that and keep thinking that's the only option I have nothing left in me. I'm so fucking tired of always losing of always fighting.