It’s hard to decide where to start this story.
I had been in my company for 8+ years. Loyalty doesn’t pay off, I get that. But to me, it has been extremely important to have stability and predictability in my life wherever I could. I grew up poor, lost most of my family, I am the sole provider for myself. So, I never really thought about leaving for real. I had received number of monetary promotions and tried out various roles, which told me that I was doing a good job.
I thought everything was going ok, until it wasn’t. At the end of last year, I started having physical issues that went on for months and were pretty concerning. As a result, I was admitted to the hospital, where I received emergency brain surgery, which took 9 hours. “Don’t think about that anymore,” some have told me. It’s not that I’m choosing to live in the past. The past lives in me.
I’m not even going to pretend that it wasn’t shocking and traumatic in itself, because why should I lie and claim to have been super strong despite everything? All of that happening would have been enough pressure on anyone’s mental health, but my employer took it a step further.
The week of the hospital admission and sudden diagnosis, HR and my manager (you see where this is going) informed me I was being laid off due to no fault of my own. Purely a business decision, they said. My role was being eliminated and the HR rep told me all this with very manner-of-fact tone of voice devoid of empathy.
The place I had planned to stay at for a long time was getting rid of me at one of the worst possible times in my life, when I was already scared for pretty much my life. They knew I had been suffering, but didn’t yet know what my diagnosis was. It felt like they were figuratively coming to kick an already weak person in the stomach as they were crouched on the floor.
Anyway, I digress. I have a lot of emotions still tied to this whole incident. Physically, I am doing better and still recovering from the whole hospital stay and operation. I still struggle with some things, so I remain on sick leave.
Mentally, I’m a bit scared. What I want to know is, what would you do in my situation? Obviously, my health and recovery are my priority, but I’m also quite anxious about the inevitable loss of my income.
Should I use the time I have (when I have the strength and mental capacity) to upskill and do some online courses that could help me get an ok office job? Should I reevaluate my life? If I’m honest, I’ve always been a pretty creative person (I love art and writing) but have been told by many that these things won’t help me make money. Is there anything I should tell my company when I have the next meeting with them? To be honest I’m stilll angry and there’s a lot I wanna tell them, but I still want to choose myself and my wellbeing first. Something that they failed to do for me. Should I discuss a lawyer? Should I sign a severance document that will promise me money but also make me claim that we are parting ways because we both want to? It’s such a huge lie.
Side note, I find it difficult realising that so many things are centered around money. If I could choose, I would just try and enjoy the only shot at life I have, but I would’ve had to be born to a different society for that.
Thanks for reading guys