So I'm neurodivergent. I have only ever been formally diagnosed with a pretty severe anxiety disorder/panic disorder as well as major depressive disorder and ADHD.
If I'm being honest a lot of my symptoms mirror being on the spectrum ie. struggling to make eye contact, poor social skills, going non verbal when stressed, not picking up on social cues etc. Though I can't say for certain without a diagnosis. Because speaking to people feels like solving some weird puzzle. I tend to become agoraphobic.
I have a laundry list of triggers and thus, working is extremely difficult. I usually can't stay at a job longer than about 2 months and it makes me so upset with myself and contributes to my depressive episodes.
I was working at a restaurant that was perfect. It was the best job I'd ever found. If customer's got upset management told us to just walk away and go get someone. I didn't have to deal with people yelling at me or getting upset. All I had to do was run them their food. As bad as I am at talking to people, it's not so bad if I'm the one who's approaching them, rather than being approached (cashier/ front desk) And since I was only a food runner rather than a waitress, I didn't have to stick around and keep bringing them stuff. Just bring them their food and then walk away. Again, if they had any problems or anything was incorrect, it became someone else's problem, not mine, according to management. My manager's were so kind, and it was a very chill, laid back environment.
Everyone who worked there smoked weed. And even the managers did it on shift with everyone else. We were essentially all high all the time. I'm sure that this is a not very good thing for a business. But that's just how it was there. And it was great. I smoke to help with my anxiety, So the fact that I could smoke while working was extremely helpful for me.
After several months of working there and loving it, I started getting sexual harassment from one of my managers. I pulled the General manager aside and explained what was going on. He was very understanding and told me he would take care of it. And I even saw him talking to the manager who said gross things to me, so I know he did handle it.
However I started getting more sexual harassment from different employees. It was becoming a ongoing problem. And it was going on so much that he couldn't possibly get all of it to stop. He was a good general manager. But because of the culture there and how chill everything was, there was really no urgency that these employees felt to stop acting this way because they knew they weren't going to be fired over it. I eventually decided it would be best if I just left.
I really miss that job, and i've never found anything like that in my 26 years. I don't have any real skills, and I'm terrified that I'm never going to find anything again that I can do. It's been such a struggle to find things that don't stress me out so bad that I go non verbal.
I do some spicy content because that's easy money, but it's not enough to live off of for the rest of my life and I recently discovered the employees who were harassing me had found my spicy page. Which freaks me out even more. How am I supposed to work and not fear that everyone I come across will eventually find my page. I only started doing it because there was nothing else I could do. I don't even like it. It's just all I have. I want to find a real job and quit doing that. But it's so hard and I don't know where to go now.