Okay so starting from the beginning, I feel anxiety as I write this down but I'll try to write as much as I can, this summer I wanted to get a job as I'm 18 and finally able to work, I tried to get jobs at an earlier age but my country forbids child labor so I couldn't, henceforth this is my first ever job, I got tired of being a shut-in every summer withering in solitude and bedrotting, so the moment I reached 18 I tried extra hard to find a part time job this summer, my ideal type environment for my first job was an inside job with no much moving around like being a cashier, I knew very well that I can't handle working with the heat outside especially since my skin is very sensitive to heat as I evidently had scars from it in childhood so I preferred not to move around by the sun, my mom knew this and tried to land me a job using her connections, I found a job, they hired me to be a bellboy, when I first entered the job site- or even before that, the hotel entrance for staff personnel looked so damn shabby like it was a construction site (the security officer literally sits on a brick besides the gate) but well despite that it was a 4 star hotel so the main entrance did look appealing enough for clients, anyway after doing the interview and all the stuff I was introduced to my co-worker who'd be teaching me all sort of stuff and how to do my job, turns out the guy was my older brother's former friend so he took upon me in delight and found pleasure in my presence, so I found it easy to trust him, honestly as I tried my hand at it, the job wasn't easy at all, very stressful and I panick easily, I tried my best at it, I thought i was doing an inside job by carrying luggages outside and all, but turns out the hotel rooms exist outside, like little houses all lined up besides the other, it striked me as odd how the Chambers are all lined up outside, like its not a tall building with countless rooms inside stretching up the hallway no, it wasn't like your usual hotel, the job details may look simple, but they're numerous and involve alot of walking around, for starters the hotel is very big so I have to walk alot under the sun to guide clients, deliver luggage on my hand and deliver messages etc there's a club car that makes the job easier but apparently I need a week before I need to think about using it (my co-workers says) during all this walking around and carrying heavy stuff, you know I don't think I'm on the weak side but my arms are inevitable slim and faible, but regardless I'm confident in my stamina, after the 2nd day or so I got chafing on my thighs, its not really an injury or anything but it made my thighs redden at first then my skin tore off a little and after walking enough all day It gets really difficult to walk straight with it, still I endured it and did my best and this condition continued on endlessly, the job was really stressful to me and my co-workers telling me off at times to “Don't be so shy and act energetic” “tough up” it was more about telling me to do things I can't just change in a moment, I was born introverted and had no skill set for this line of job besides my English communication (which seems bare minimum because you need to speak 3 languages in our country) but despite that I did act like I was told and went out of character to entertain my clients and co-workers with a more energetic personality, even if that's not my character at all, each day I go home I felt very burnt out and my self worth greatly diminished by each day, it was so tiring especially since i wasnt allowed a single day off expecting me to work 60h a week, it was unbearable till I couldn't take it anymore, and so I quit.
I didn't come by the day after but I did tell my mom I was quitting, to be honest I felt really guilty about all of this, I didn't want to let down the guy my mom relied on to get me this job, I didn't want to disappoint my family members or anything but I couldn't put up with others concern before my own anymore
I feel like my mom was more disappointed at the fact that I can't earn money anymore to help her out, given like every day she asks me if I earned any good tips more the times than she asked about my well being.
After I quit, the workplace called my mom and got told off as to why I broke their club car, going back by 5 days I did a few test runs with the car my co-worker gave to me in secret I didn't have a permit and the car was simple enough to drive with so it should have been fine, then the day or the second after, my co-worker gave me an errand to deliver luggage, on the way back I slightly scratched the car under it by some pipe or something, I didn't think anything of it and that's the only minor injury I think I did.
After I quit by 3 or so like days my co-worker called me and asked me if I damaged the car because he says its not working anymore, I don't believe I did anything to it but he asked me if I injured it or anything and if I was responsible, he told me that he wouldn't report me or anything so its fine, now I didn't believe nor want to believe that a minor scratch was what damaged the car but I told him anyway because I trusted him
After then I found out he called on me to the boss and everything went downhill, the man that got me in the job got was humiliated by his boss and my mom as well, she berated me on about how she didn't want to lose her connection because of me and how I'm a failure compared to my other siblings, I felt really traumatised because of that.
I can't trust anyone anymore and don't feel like working again anytime soon.
Ps: my mom is divorced, single and with 3 kids, eldest 20, middle (me) 18, youngest 14
Just 3 years back I was mentally unfunctionable and struggled to even say a word or 2, I thought I grew up alot since then but turns out I didn't grow at all, because my mom said I'm not a man I'm a little child while she berated me.
Sorry for the lengthy text, I'd like to thank you deeply if you manage to read all of this.