I've always believed that my place of work would reward hard work. Hell, it did for a good while, at least after arguing for it.
That first changed when my new manager laughed in my face after I submitted a request for a raise. Still thought it was just a little bump.
Two weeks ago I took two days off. The first two days this entire year. I felt like a different being. I was energetic rather than lethargic. I went out and did things rather than sit at home idly. I was having fun. I wasn't having stomach problems and diarrhea every second day. I truly felt like I was living for the first time in years.
Last week on Friday I took my lunch break an hour early. During that hour apparently an emergency happened, and they tried to message me on the company chat platform (custom built, of course, why not use a readymade thing that works better than that piece of shit) which I obviously didn't have on my phone. I was on my break anyways, but that didn't seem to matter. When I finally read it I of course rushed to aid and fixed the problem myself in a few minutes.
Today, I got a written warning for missing work and not answering my phone (nobody called me).
It feels like my entire two days “vacation” are ruined. I was still looking back at them fondly and now I'm just depressed again. I just had diarrhea out of nowhere again. I have suicidal thoughts again.
I've been fighting my entire life. My parents were shit. I started working at 14. I just want a break. I want to end this miserable life.
The worst is this is a job I had an absolute passion for and I loved working it and applying that passion in a constructive way that actually made a (small) difference. But I can't even be bothered to wake up in the morning anymore.