Maybe it's because it's currently 1am and I can't sleep because of my chronic illness. Maybe it's because I know I have to get up tomorrow to go to a job I hate, with a toxic, unsympathetic boss (who doesn't believe in my disability) to fight them for basic accommodations to my disability, which they have been stalling constantly. Maybe it's because I know I physically can't do my job anymore because the pain is killing me and yet there's no alternative because the job market is in the gutter.
I have edited my CV half a dozen times. I use ChatGPT to write my cover letters. I have applied to 100s of jobs and have met with only a handful of employers. Interviews either seem to go well, then I get rejected for lack of experience or interviewers dig and dig as if they are trying to find a reason NOT to hire me.
Companies want me to be employed but will also only offer interview on the basis of 9-5 despite the fact I work full time in an office with no car to hide out in. So many interviews sat on a bench in the middle of winter or in a crowded cafe inches from my workplace.
I just want out. I am so sick and tired of this. I am tired of being bullied and discriminated against at work, then have to somehow do my job after that, before coming home and spending my four hours of rest time applying for more corporate BS at a company that will probably be just as unforgiving if not worse.
I just want to sleep and rest, not keep making my condition work by rolling out of bed on 4 hours sleep of a flare up, to be dragged into a meeting to be told how selfish and worthless I am for having the audacity to be disabled.