I've been a long time lurker and have connected with a few great posts in this forum. I would like to offer a humble submission, And if you words I wish I could address to my former self. It can get better, it takes time but it fucking can.
Like many here I have struggled, And a great deal of that is my own fault. I have a master's degree (History and Philosophy because I fell in love with it).
I was not able to make enough money as an adjunct teacher so I eventually gave that up. I have some health issues spring up on me that required a surgery I could not afford. I manage to save up enough to get the surgery about eighteen months after the latest safe date the doctor said I could.
I'm ashamed to admit that I developed a terrible drug problem after this and found myself abusing opiates and quickly ruining my life as I healed. 42 months clean now!
Anybody who cared about my life then pushed me out and I found myself homeless and later in jail. If you arrests all related to possessing opiates.
After sitting around jail for six months I was given the choice to take probation for five years or a prison sentence for seven. I took provation having no clue that it is set up to fail, and that it is so god damn expensive.
I barely made it through those five years. Finding work was damn near impossible and for three years I managed a warehouse that gave me a raise after working for two years…..putting me at 10/hrx31 hrs plates. It pissed me off how many my post were reported just for me saying that I was depressed. I truly didn't think I was going to through some of those days and I am very thankful that I chose to hang on.
I still have not admitted to another human being all that I had to do to survive…. And that does seem silly , but shame sucks.
I was so hopeless for so long somehow managed to find an entry level IT job after 6 month watching free YouTube tech vids. The logic courses I took for my major wound up being incredible useful for learning the basics of IT.
I got a job at 18/hr, then raised to 20. I tested for the A+ and made 21, Net+ 22, Sec+24. I was able to study for these tests using free resources very cheap tests I found on Udemy.
3 years later I'm here now, I took CySA+ January and got a new job as a Sr Network. Admin for a company in my area. The most important thing is that my job understands my needs and offers incredible work life balance.
I felt so powerless for so long but I'm so happy I took the time to invest in myself. It's anybody needs to talk because they are in situation like that, they're welcome to message.
Past self, it will get better, you will make it. Also vivitrol is badass.