HR background situation: We don’t have an HR. Well, we have a proxy HR on site and we outsource our actual HR to a company called Paychex… but they “only work with management.” I found out when I accidentally was sent an email with her CCed and emailed her myself.
Now the ACTUAL situation: I work at a small non-profit. A few weeks back, I had a work-sponsored speaker at a work event that was wildly inappropriate with me. She insulted me as a person and then demanded I hug her. When I said no, she put her arms around me anyways. When I didn’t move, she insisted I had to hug her back. This is not my first incident at work being touched unnecessarily, so I escalated it. I also figured since this isn’t a work employee, they’d be more willing to do something or show some support.
I explained the situation to our Proxy HR as part of the “investigation.” When they asked me what I wanted to happen, I expressed that workplace boundaries is an ongoing issue for this company and gave several examples of one supervisor (not mine and we have no actual relationship) grabbing me now twice, despite me asking her not to. I also mentioned other staff incidents. I said these are all examples of why we, as a group, need to review our expectations of boundaries. I insisted I’m aware no one meant any harm in any of their actions, but they were still inappropriate. I wasn’t sure what we could do about the guest speaker since they weren’t an employee, so I just said reviewing workplace boundaries as a group and without any one in particular called out would be best. Proxy HR assured me this would be handled with discretion.
Three weeks ago, I received an email from proxy HR demanding I meet with the supervisor I mentioned for a “mediated discussion.” I said no, that wasn’t appropriate, there’s a power dynamic issue and so a mediation isn’t an option, and that I never asked to report separately, address, or bring up any of these incidents with the supervisor directly and it seemed we were getting off course of the main issue. It was here that I emailed the Paychex HR lady, who said she only worked with her client’s management and they would be handling it.
YESTERDAY, I received an email from proxy HR that she’s discussed this in length with leadership (which includes the supervisor???) and they’ll “respect my wishes” to decline to meet with the supervisor, but I need to have a written mediation and I have 5 days to respond on “my side.” She then attached a letter from the supervisor which has some absolutely insane allegations of discrimination towards her as a POC and gaslights the hell out of me. I like to think I’m aware of my white privilege and am very thoughtful about the impacts my subconscious acts of privilege may have, especially as a disabled person who has been discriminated against for my identity. My issue wasn’t related at all to that. And again, this is over being touched multiple times despite stated boundaries and this itself wasn’t even reported as an incident. I have no idea how we got here.
I’m looking for work as I have been for months and “just quit” isn’t an option. What the hell am I meant to do here? I’m so flabbergasted this was some solution they thought was appropriate.