My lab manager recently had a talk with me about the fact that I stare off into space too much during meetings that don't involve me talking much. I explained that I am concentrating on the meeting, and that the work of appearing engaged actually distracts me from absorbing information. She replied that my coworkers and visitors don't like how I've been carrying myself and that it demoralizes them, so I need to change my habit of looking zoned-out.
I really thought that I had been keeping a neutral facial expression that wouldn't offend anyone, and I told my manager as such. Yes, I get bored during some meetings and the fluorescent lights hurt my eyes, which I did not tell her.
I'm not making this post for validation, by the way. I understand where my manager is coming from and it's fine with me if everyone else agrees that I need to be more particular with my expressions at work. I'm making this post because what she said next made me feel sick.
She told me that every day she comes home from work feeling exhausted because she spends the whole workday pretending to be something she's not: chatty, energetic, bubbly, friendly. She said that the reason she talks so much is because she's constantly nervous. My manager presented this information as if it should simply be something we all accept.
Are you kidding? I'm not going to sacrifice more of my personality 40 hours a week and then come home to my family and friends acting like a total [expletive] to them because I'm too tired from doing two jobs at once– acting and science.
It's painful to me to realize what “professionalism” really means and how I haven't been fitting into it. I think it should mean being kind and courteous to those around you and being competent at your job. This doesn't fit into my definition and I don't want to be part of this.