I don’t know if this post will be relevant here but I want to unload the burdens off my chest.
I recently joined a big corporation. I like the environment and the people, until I met my official manager whom I will be working under. It was all good at the start but she postponed my orientation with her for 3 times until she have the time again (which, by then, it was my 1st official month working in their corporation). I had a lot to catch up on, and I was lost. I didn’t have a proper onboarding with the others who are supposed to teach me about my job and the job scope etc because they are always swarmed with their tasks. It’s my first full time job.. During that orientation FINALLY with my manager, she told me off really badly and scolded me rlly loudly + was appalled at how much I didn’t know. I mean duh, no managers guided me, the other admins didn’t do a proper on-boarding with me etc etc.
Back track.. It was all good until I officially met my manager (she was on AL when I joined for the first week or so). So anyways, everyday for 3 weeks, I have nothing to do at all and I felt the immense pressure when I just sit there and act busy when I am not. I did ask around (if they have anything for me) but they always said “no, nothing from me”. Other people in the same job position as me also kept saying no but they are overloaded and had to OT when I left work sharp. I am not complaining about the fact that they are not sharing their tasks with me, but the fact that non gave me more practice task to work on when my official on-boarding and taking over was yesterday. I had nothing on hand for 3 weeks when suddenly I got bombarded with 5 tasks in a day (which I struggled tremendously as I am not familiar with everything). And best of all? All was due in a day + I had 4 meetings that day. I had a huge mental breakdown, missed the deadline for a very important lead and that same manager was pissed at me and told me off. I mean she’s right, I should have asked HER. All the people I asked, were swarmed with their own task. But why did I not ask her? Because the previous time, she ridiculed me for not knowing something simple.
And the thing is, everyday we have 2 compulsory meetings, one in the morning with 4 departments and 1 at the end of the day within our own department (btw both meetings share the same content, just updates on them). They sometimes chatter in between the meetings and caused us to have an overrun in schedule and thus I had to OT to finish my tasks. Just like on Wed, we had 3 back to back meetings (with them chit-chattering) and we only returned to our desks 15 mins before my lead due date. I was once again, told off by my manager (which I accept that it’s my fault). A lot of times she would just ignore me and call on the other admin. She sometimes don’t even trust that I can do my job well,, looks down on me, makes judgemental faces towards me etc. Haven’t even officially taken over and she talked about the “old admin” who was once working under her.
Everyday I feel so much pressure at work, that my persistent everyday migraine has officially entered it’s 4th week. I feel like I have to work around stepping on my manager’s radar. She’s like mad everyday bro… and it’s so bad I feel nauseous everyday for these past few days. I am starting to feel more depressed and don’t even wanna go to work + get told off by her everyday. My anxiety is acting up again. But I feel so bad if I leave as my director who hired me, have expectations of me and really like me. I feel like I can’t even lie on about me saying I’m okay with the job. It has officially took a toll on my physical and mental health. I had a mental breakdown for 3 days in a row since Wednesday. I couldn’t even get my leave approved too (for my birthday a couple of weeks ago) and was forced to work.
Ive been burnt out for a week. No energy to reply to anyone’s texts at all. No mood for anything, also realised I’m eating way more than usual.