30 female and can't stand work. I have never been able to hold a job longer than 7 months due to my mental illness, but I have to have insurance and I have to have enough money to pay rent. Never been fired, just couldn't stand working so I resigned. Working puts a dark cloud over literally everything I do and makes me want to not even be alive anymore. I'm a horribly toxic person with my family due to my antisocial personality disorder but at work I know how to control it so I've never even gotten in trouble at work. Right now I live with my parents and sister, but when my sister moves out I will go with her and there is no other option. She is my only friend.
My ideal job would be to sell art online, but I'm no good at art and even if I was I don't know how to get into it. Plus selling art doesn't give you insurance and the cheap insurances you can buy don't cover all my medications. I take a million different medications like I'm 100 years old for my physical and mental health, not a healthy person in general. I really want to learn graphic design but don't have the opportunity to take a class, but that's a whole new story.
I must have, at the very least, summers off and at least two weeks at Christmas. I've tried everything in education but those are all the jobs I resigned because I just couldn't stand them. Right now I work as an admin assistant at a university. My job is extremely easy and 99.9 percent of the time I do nothing, but I am so terrified of just being there and I have to work summers, so I've been horribly depressed and mean to my family because of the depression all summer. I don't want to be mean to my family because they're the only people I love.
I have tried nearly every psychiatric med they make (I counted 27) since I was 13 and none of them have touched this problem in the slightest. I'm on 4 meds now (Effexor, Abilify, Klonopin, and Adderall). I'm in career therapy, and I've tried regular therapy, but I can't stay in therapy because I always say something that gets me into trouble. I've been in the psych ward and inpatient treatment. None of it has helped at all. It just keeps getting worse as I get older.
Most of the time when I post about this or talk to anyone about it, including my family, I get the “you need to grow up” speech. I get told that I am lazy, childish, etc. Maybe all those things are true, but there is never any speck of compassion for a fellow human being who is suffering and has suffered for a long time with this problem. I'd literally cut off my leg to enjoy working or even be able to tolerate it. This problem has ruined my life and I'm only 30.
I've looked at part time jobs that give benefits like working at Lowe's but they require work in the summer and at Christmas and they only give 5 days off. At least with my current job I started off the year with 24, so I feel stuck in it.
I feel like my only option is to be a professor because of all the time off, but the time it will take to get there is atrocious. I have a master's degree but it is in teaching and I can't hold a job in teaching, so I can't get a PhD because no experience teaching. Well, I could probably get the PhD, but most education professor jobs require at least 3 year's experience teaching in a public school and I can't handle kids' behavior problems. Teaching adults is totally different because there is no discipline involved. If an adult student misbehaves the way my kid students did, I would call security. End of problem. I mean these kids were physically ATTACKING me and my coteacher and each other. And this happened every place I worked.
Right now my plan is to try to get a master's in accounting and teach it at a community college, but I'm not sure my heart is really in it. I really have a passion for art but most of the time I can't even motivate myself to work on my art projects even though I enjoy them. Also because I have no accounting experience whatsoever and have to take prerequisite courses, this is going to take years.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me about what I could do that might be faster to get to? My father is almost 80 years old, a smoker, and in poor health. I would love to be able to get into an ideal job that I can somewhat handle before something happens to him because I want to spend as much time with him as possible. Requirements: must have summers off, at least 2 weeks at Christmas, available sick days (I have health problems), insurance or benefits or be able to afford my own private insurance with my income, cannot be working with kids. I am thinking some kind of professor. I can't be an art professor because I don't have a Bachelor's degree in art and most master's programs require a portfolio, which I don't have because I don't have the undergrad degree. However, I would love to do something creative. Graphic design, interior design, any kind of art appeals to me even if I struggle with motivation. I am very interested in animation as well but I think that would be harder to get into than the degree would be worth. I'd like to start my own art business but I have no clue where to learn the skills I need for art or for running a business and no idea how to get started.
Please no trolls or treating me like shit. Have some compassion. I am struggling and have been for a long time.